Biblical Counseling - Marriage & Family Counseling - Part III - Premarital...
Vern Peterman · Aug 31, 2008
Biblical Counseling, No. 22
Holly Hills Bible Church
https://www.hollyhillsbiblechurch.org/teaching/messages/41026163067759

Transcribed from the recording by SermonAudio, so expect the occasional misheard word.

Last week I would generalize. We covered a series of passages and topics I thought were just wonderful and exciting. This is a shift of gears. I hope it's not anticlimactic. But one of the things we want to take a look at is what is the predominant pattern in our culture of sex before marriage and living together before marriage, the shacking up or cohabiting pattern. And so the sex before marriage pattern, I was just looking at a study on that yesterday, It gets the majority vote these days. Of those turning 15 between the years 1994 and 2003, 74% eventually had premarital sex by age 20. So it's a predominant pattern.

Living together before marriage. Oh, I almost forgot something. The strange word order in the first part there, sex before marriage, is this order getting the end things right? is intentional. That's scrambling. Is this getting things in the right order? But anyway, all right. If you didn't get it, you didn't get it. Okay. Yeah, okay.

Living together before marriage. I was, I was, it's not in here, but I was looking at a survey of young people in the college to, you know, 20s bracket. And about 60% of them thought that living together before marriage was wise. was a good idea. And we'll take a look at why that's not. But some of the different reasons that I put here in the bullet, and you let me know if I've forgotten any. I likely have not included all of them. Some of the reasons why people give for living together, why they think it's wise, is you would want to make sure it would work out first before getting married.

You just want to check it out. That's the reason. Or, if we live together first, that will make him more likely to commit. Like it's a stepping stone to get him to commit. That's another excuse that's given. Or, marriage is a risky business, so we'll just live together and see where it goes. Just kind of see how it plays out. We're going to get married anyway, so this is just a stepping stone.

This is just a social and economic arrangement cutting expenses. Any others that you heard of that I've forgotten? I heard that the elderly were doing it because of the expenses. Yeah, that's somewhat more of a growing pattern is the elderly are doing it just to kind of cut expenses. Okay, yeah. Any other excuses you've heard? Pardon? Just more convenient. Yeah, people might say it's just more convenient. Yeah, yeah.

And the idea here is just sort of it's an option, sort of what's presented. Maybe we haven't heard this, but maybe it's because we don't have enough. The economy is so bad that they don't have enough. They just don't want to get over the threshold of the marriage expenses, is what you're thinking, that kind of thing.

It's important here, of course, what we're going to do since this is biblical counseling is turn to God's Word. What does God's Word say? There are a number of passages we could go to, but I'm going to touch on a few in particular. One we looked at just some weeks ago here in our Galatian study where we took a side trip here.

The typical Jewish arrangement was this. The Jews would typically have, and this is more particularly focused in Israel, the Jews by New Testament times typically have the women married in the 13 to 15 year age range. Roman law said no younger than 12. And the guys were typically married off in the 15 to 17 year age range. But in the Greek and Roman pagan culture, the pattern was for premarital and extramarital sex to begin basically in mid-teens and continue on until a guy was typically married about age 25.

And then being faithful to his wife was not expected. Now, adultery was illegal. in the Roman Empire, but that only meant having sex with another person's wife. So all sorts of other things were perfectly legal and considered acceptable. Now, so here's Paul writing to the Corinthians, who are considered the most immoral of the Roman Empire's culture, even to the point where there was a verb named after the Corinthians. So 1 Corinthians 12-20, all things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.

Food is for the stomach, and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through his power.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be. Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For he says, the two shall become one flesh. But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside of the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.

We went over this some weeks back in the main service, the same passage, but just some key things here relative to this question of premarital sex and checking up or cohabiting is the more technical term. The three key points I've brought out here is flea, immorality, and that word for immorality is porneia, which basically means any sex outside of marriage, okay? And so what's our attitude towards it? Kind of keep an eye out for it or, you know, mild caution. What's he say? Flea, okay? He's not talking about little critters, okay?

The believer's body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Why does he say that? Why does he say the believer's body is a temple of the Holy Spirit? Yeah, you're joined to the Lord. The Holy Spirit indwells you. And what he connects it up with here is essentially for the believer to be having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is to create a spiritual monstrosity. You're joining Christ to the prostitute in the analogy that he's got here. We are a walking, living, breathing, holy of holies. That's what he's spelling out. We who believe are not our own. We've been bought with a price, Christ's life. Something else here that is key.

The Greeks had among them kind of a cultural philosophy that things that were spiritual were spiritual and they were good, but the body, you know, it was physical and that the two really didn't have much to do with each other. So one of the things that he does is make several different points that say that what you do in your body matters. Because the culture had been saying what you do in your body doesn't matter, right? So what he's telling them is he's telling them several different things to say, no, this body does matter. This body will be raised. This body is the place that the Holy Spirit dwells in. You are a temple. So he's made that point in contrast to the culture. So he's kind of getting the world's perspective corrected among the Christians.

And that's what needs to happen among believers, too. Just a month before 9-11, BARNA, it's a Christian survey organization, released a study in which they found that about, and I'd say this number is probably on the low side, but that's my own guesstimate, about a quarter of Christian couples were doing the shacking up before marriage. And in that same survey, surveyed over 7,000 people, so it's a significant survey. In that same survey, they found that the divorce rate between Christians and non-Christians was identical. No difference. Okay, now, 1 Thessalonians 4, 3 through 7, Paul makes a different point while making the same point. The same point is, he says, abstain from sexual immorality.

And notice, he says, this is the will of God. Ever know anybody that's looking for the will of God? This is it. This is the will of God, your sanctification that you abstain from sexual immorality. Then he goes on to explain, each of you know how to possess your own vessel and sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion like the Gentiles who do not know God. and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger in all things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but for sanctification." One of the key points he has in here, because remember in 1 Corinthians chapter 6, he had several points, but this is a different one, and that is, what's sanctification? He says that's God's will. What's sanctification? What is it? It's a word we don't use often in our culture. What does it mean?

Set apart for a specific purpose. Set apart for a specific purpose. And one of the things that that translates into, very important, is growth towards spiritual maturity. He's saying that the pornea, The sex outside of marriage gets in the way of growth towards spiritual maturity. It stunts your growth, is what he's saying. It stunts your growth, your spiritual growth. There's another important biblical insight, however, and that's on the top of what you have is page 66, the third page there.

And it's what we studied many moons ago in Genesis 2.24. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

Christ quotes this verse in Matthew 19.5 and Paul quotes it again in Ephesians 5.25, which we'll be looking at in more detail a little later.

In both the Hebrew and the Greek text, this word join means to glue intensively. As a matter of fact, when we studied through this, we used a kind of a lingo, super glued, okay? Intensively glued. That's the intent here. The physical relationship in marriage is intended to be a super glue between the husband and wife. It's part of what bonds them in a marriage relationship. I can remember, oh, probably 15 years ago, sitting down with my sons and telling them this. I said, that's part of the glue in the marriage relationship, okay? Don't waste the glue, okay? Don't waste the glue. And that's something that's not understood among many people these days, okay?

So with this understanding, refraining from sexual intimacy until marriage and keeping sexual intimacy within marriage preserves and maximizes the essential glue of physical intimacy for the married couple alone. It preserves that super glue, that bondedness between a husband and wife only. Can you think of some other biblical reasons why preserving sexual intimacy for marriage alone is a good idea biblically? What's that? Nobody knows what to say. Absolutely speechless.

Well, one thing I think of is that if marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, we don't go off, or we're not supposed to go off, with idols and other so-called gods. So why would we do that between partners? Yeah, if marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, why are we getting all these others involved, right?

Yeah, good point. Others? The wages of sin is death, so the health part of it. Okay, the wages of sin is death, and that's ultimately spiritual death, but there are other impacts, and matter of fact, we'll be taking a look at those very shortly here. Good point. Others? I think that's one reason why society's kind of messed up today. Okay, he says it's another reason why society's messed up and you are very right. Essentially, it's an extremely huge loss on multiple dimensions for people to have this crazy kooky idea. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Tom brings out the good point that there are examples both of good and faithful husbands and wives and those who are unfaithful and the difference it makes and the consequences in each case. Yeah. Yeah. Jeremy?

Essentially for the saint, anytime we are walking in the flesh, it's an issue of faith, is the key issue. The whole matter here is trusting in Christ, that abiding in Him is where we ought to be. That's what God has provided for us, that's the best place for us to be.

And when we seek something outside of what God has explained as, this is my will, we're not trusting Him. That, for the saints, I think is the key sin, if you will. The priority sin is when we fail to trust Christ, then we would get into all these other things, but that first part of it is failing to believe what He says. Yeah, it's in conflict with trusting the Lord. And essentially, trusting the Lord, walking with Him is exactly what the Lord has in mind. So this is a path apart. It's a path different. And it is not at all what God has in mind. Yeah, good point. Other thoughts, Drew?

Well, another thing I think about is, in premarital sex in general, if that relationship doesn't work out, well, you've slept with potentially somebody else's spouse. Yeah. Now, it says if that relationship doesn't work out, and the statistics are that it won't, Okay? Then you've slept with who is going to be somebody else's spouse potentially. So you've kind of polluted that other relationship. Yeah.

Yeah. Good point. Other thoughts? People are coming up with some good ideas. Gary? Let's say you have a logical imperative for its representation. Okay. It's a logical imperative. This is what makes sense, right? Yeah. Good point. And it's multiple logical imperatives. Glorify God in your body. Abstain from sexual immorality. Both the positive statement and the negative statement. Yeah. What else? Kind of to go on further, other people have said it.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. It's easy, a lot of these focus on ourselves. I think sometimes that's fine. In marriage, like you said, that sexual relationship is the culmination of that godly Christian love that represents the bond between Christ and the Church. And you cannot have that symbolism if it's outside of marriage. And as much as you're going to try, your intent may be, in some weird way, to keep Christ, but it's impossible because it's outside God's plan.

If the focus is on Christ, and our center is on Christ, then this is, like Gary says, the only logical inheritance. Yeah, where's our focus? Where's our focus here? If the intent is to focus upon Christ, then premarital sex and living together is a distraction of focus at a minimum. It is not a matter of having our focus on the Lord.

Yeah, Wayne? Okay, yeah. Sex before marriage tends to be more self-satisfaction. Good point. It's not done with the thought of what is best for the other person. Is that what you're thinking of? Yeah. It's not done with the thought of what's best for the other person. Good point. Yeah. Gail? I think it's a failure to understand the importance It's a failure to understand that God created a marriage relationship. What do most people in the world think of when they think of marriage? How do they characterize it or typify it?

A tax deduction. A partnership. Any other thoughts? Have kids, and when you get old, they'll take care of you. Okay, have kids, when you get old, they'll take care of you. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Have you ever heard it's just a piece of paper? Yeah? People have that idea? Or it's just an archaic, outdated tradition? You know, sometimes it'll be characterized that way.

Rather than what Gail pointed out, no, God started it from the beginning. And of course, if people aren't taking God at his word, then that perspective is lost. People will be prone to see it as more of a sociological phenomenon rather than this is a godly, ordained and instituted thing that he made before the world was even a week old. So the other perspective is usually different.

You don't hear much once in a while. You'll hear in several states. I don't know whether every state has a provision for common law marriage, but that is that I don't know quite how to ask this. He asked the question about common law marriage and that's really a kind of a legal construct. In other words, it's to give things some sort of a legal definition, but it really doesn't give it a spiritual definition.

And that's the shortcoming. It's kind of coming into marriage via the back door instead of calling it what it is and ought to be. And it's certainly not a recognition of, as we've been talking about and will talk about, the relationship of Christ and the Church. It's not a recognition of this is a critical milestone day and event. in the couple's life. Well, we've been kind of acting like it, so now we are married through the back door.

I wonder, under a common law marriage, if they decide to divorce, do they just walk away, or do they have to go through a legal process? That's a good question. I think part of the problem is you'd have to go through a bunch of legal criteria as to what constitutes a common law marriage. And that's not certainly my area of expertise, nor do I wish to become an expert on it. But yeah, it's a good question. I don't have the answer to that one.

Gail? I've heard, and I don't know if it's true, that people who live together, when they break up, especially if they've been together for a period of time, that the emotional trauma they go through is this category. Well, okay, you just introduced our next topic. Gail's point is the emotional trauma of a breakup of a couple that's been living together. What happens? What happens emotionally? Let's move on to the next step. What does, does, excuse me, but does what the Bible teaches check out with science? In our own era, and science, in the area of sociology, and that's what we're talking about here, in the area of sociology and related areas, psychology and medicine, certainly does not have the same respect and credibility as hard science.

But nonetheless, there are some, I think, insightful statistics that bear up the kind of thing that Gail just brought up here. You have a bar chart on your handout, and that's kind of the introduction to this section. And that is, here the Bible has been saying for thousands of years and centuries that sexual relationships are to be kept within marriage. And yet, what do we see here?

Here is a study that was done, just reported in 2003, that shows the probability of divorce for women who cohabit and or have sexual relations with another before marriage. this sex and cohabit with the husband and another. Isn't this interesting? If they cohabit with the husband and another, just one other, okay? That's all it takes, just one other. So a woman who cohabits with the man who eventually becomes her husband and one other increases the rate of divorce by 166%.

That's big. That's a big ouch. Tom? Polyandry? Well, only sort of because that assumes marriage and this really doesn't fit that. Polyandry is assuming a marriage structure and this is just serial jacking up. And one of those is still the husband, but just having one other shacking up partner, aside from shacking up with the husband, increases the rate of divorce by 166%. That is big. That's big. It means that for the relationship that ultimately ends up counting, you put a huge burden on that. Let's ask the question, why would that be? Why would that rate of increase be so huge?

They can never trust each other. Okay, she says they never, and I'll play the devil's advocate, they can never trust each other. Why would you say that? Well, if he's fooling around or she's fooling around with somebody else, well, if they lived together before they got married and all that stuff that they shouldn't have been doing, well, she knows that The problem is, and notice there are different statistics, but the problem is with any one of them, that each partner knows that the other does not hold sex to be only within marriage. Yeah, each partner knows that. And so what happens is there's always this question mark. Basically, the trust has been undermined from the outset. The trust has been undermined from the outset. If you've done it once, it's easier to do it again. Unless there's repentance, and that's something we'll talk about here, because all these are basically secular sociological studies, right? Secular studies. They're insightful, but the one thing that it doesn't address is grace.

Okay, let's go on to the next page. We've got several different bulleted items. And I'm going to go through these somewhat quickly. They're either footnoted or with a reference given in the bullet. Wives and couples with a history of multiple cohabitations express less positive effect. In other words, they went through and talked about, you know, expressions do these people have in their behaviors? If you ask them, are you happy? What do they say? So those kinds of things. Less happiness, smiled less, exhibited less humor, and were less cheerful than their peers from relationships where there was no previous cohabiting. It had an impact on their demeanor and internal sense of, am I happy? How well am I doing?

Wives from marriages where there had been only one cohabiting relationship showed only marginally more positive effect than women from marriages where there were multiple cohabiting relationships prior to marriage. Just one cohabiting event diminishes the quality of the marriage. A study by Dr. Joyce Brothers, somebody you've likely heard of, showed that cohabitation has a negative effect on the quality of subsequent marriage. Similar thing to what we've read above. Cohabitors without plans to marry were found to be more inclined to argue, hit, shout, and have unfair division of labor than married couples. Are you impressed so far? Not so much. Okay, let's go on to the next one.

A survey conducted by the U.S. Justice Department shows that of all crimes against women by their relatives or intimate partners between 1979 and 1987, about 65% were committed by either a boyfriend or ex-husband, while only 9% were committed by husbands.

What a difference. Essentially, the shacking up puts the woman at a higher level of physical risk. It also puts the kids, if there are any, at a higher level of physical risk. I'm not talking about just a 10% higher or 20% higher or some number like that. We're talking multiples. Much higher level of physical risk. Compared with peers who had not cohabited prior to marriage, individuals who had cohabited reported higher levels of depression and the level of depression also rose with the length of cohabitation.

How about that? Anybody want to volunteer for depression? Isn't that amazing? Let me ask this question. Why would it be depressing? You're constantly in a state of stress, not knowing if you're secure. Okay. Constantly in a state of stress, not knowing you're secure. Other reasons why it would be depressing? If you're a believer, you know it's wrong. If you're a believer, you know it's wrong. Okay. Alright. Any other reasons why it would be depressing?

Well, I think along with that, God has created us to be in marriage. God created women with that strong desire for security. And if they don't have that, that's one of the biggest problems with sex outside of marriage, is it's in opposition of how God created us. And when you're living in opposition of how God created you, you're not going to find satisfaction. Here's one of the things that this study doesn't particularly differentiate between. That study that I just quoted just says individuals. It doesn't say male or female. The reality is, and subsequent studies will show, in a cohabiting or premarital sex relationship, it is primarily the woman who takes the risk. She takes the hit.

In the United States so far, at the current level, 700,000 out-of-wedlock births a year. Most of those are in situations where a person has had multiple partners and there's cohabiting and things of that sort. That's where welfare comes in. Yes, our welfare system funds that.

The statistics are dismal for people in this circumstance. Women take the hit because they end up having to care for the kid. Women take the hit because they end up having, oftentimes, to be the ones with the invisible STDs. Women take the hit because it is more substantially their emotional well-being that is impacted more so than the men. So this liberated mentality costs the women far more dearly than the men in multiple ways. Let's take a look at the next one here.

A study from the journal Pediatrics says of 1,500 girls studied, non-virgin girls were two and a half times more likely to have used alcohol than virgins, 6.2 times more likely to have smoked marijuana, and 4.3 times more likely to have been arrested or picked up by police. Notice that the numbers are not 10, 20, 30 percent increase, multiples. Some cases the multiples are big. greater than six, greater than four, those kinds of numbers. The Medical Tribune reports that sexual matters often predominate among the risk factors for adolescent depression and suicide, similar to a study we saw earlier. And then the last bullet there, sexually active unmarried women, here's the vulnerability of the woman, Sexually active unmarried women are almost four times more likely to be under psychiatric care. Notice it's not a 10, 20, 30% increase, four times.

The cohabiting women have rates for depression three times higher than married women. Big. And notice again, who takes the hit? The women. The women are the ones who take the hit and pay the price far more substantially for these cohabiting relationships. It is far from liberated. It's not the liberated woman who does this, it's the enslaved woman who does it. And this is one thing. Why would we have young people responding in a poll that 60% or better of them are saying that the shacking up cohabiting relationship is a good idea and is wise. Why would that be?

Because TV and movies convey that this whole thing works out. And I guess if you get paid millions of dollars to act it out, I guess it does look that way. And you edit out the bad stuff. The outtakes are horrible. Popular literature also supports it. We have a multi-million, and probably multi-billion isn't too far off, communication system to convey that the shacking up system is the right way to go. God's Word, centuries ago, And these studies, all of which are within the recent decades, most of them within even the last decade, show quite the opposite. It is an extremely expensive option for which the women pay dearly. And guess who else pays dearly? The children. The women pay dearly. The children pay dearly.

It is catastrophic, okay? It's catastrophic. Yes, Beth. This year again, in registering all these children at school and everything, of how many, you know, their parents have different names and they live apart. Oh, yeah. These little kids are so sad. Yeah, we have some. Their eyes. Yeah. It's such a change. Yeah, it's really sad.

Well, I'd like to pass on something to you before we pass on to the next point, and that is here are a couple of good resources for morally conservative research. In other words, this isn't explicitly biblical, but it's looking at things like just your very question there. What's the impact on the children of this kind of arrangement? See, because the thing is, this shacking up thing isn't just that it only impacts us. It impacts the next generation substantially, hugely.

And one of the things, there are a number of abstracts in this familyfacts.org website. And you can do a search on it by topic, and they've got things grouped by category. And there's lots of very good information. One of them we quoted somewhat earlier, and Jeremy had brought it to our attention. And that's one, real interestingly, in homes where the husband interprets the Bible literally, the wives claim a higher rate of satisfaction with the marriage. Isn't that interesting?

Studies like that. And also one like just Bev was pointing to where it talks about what is the consequence to the next generation. The other one I would point out is alabamapolicy.org. That's the Alabama Policy Institute. They have online full reports. One is the effect of cohabitation length on personal and relational well-being. And that's, of course, one that's been quoted here. The other one is family matters, family structure and child outcomes. That's the point that Bev made here. And that's just pointing out ghastly consequences for the next generation from the shacking up arrangement.

Even if the couple is married by the time they have kids, there are still impacts upon the kids. Why would there still be impacts upon the kids? Why would that be? That cohabitation still impacts the parents. Impacts because the mother is more likely to be depressed. Impacts because the parents are more likely to get divorced. Impacts because of disrespect of the husband for the wife.

You see, shacking up is already a gross disrespect to begin with. And so it more easily continues on into the marriage. That having been said, let's take a look at the final paragraph there. So what we find is that scientific studies are just now catching up with some of the reasons, the non-spiritual ones.

We're talking physical, emotional, you know. That God's Word presents the best wisdom regarding sexual relationships and marriage. God revealed truth to us regarding marriage because He created us. He's the one who knows. I mean, we have to have all these multi-million dollar studies to catch up with what He already knows. And because he loves us.

And even the very best of sociological researchers don't love us like the Lord did, and does. Reading, understanding, and responding in faith to what God has revealed is the best preparation for marriage, and I put a dash after that, the very best. And God's Word reveals the spiritual truths of such certainty, depth, and impact that even science at its best can never touch.

Hebrews 4.12 says that the Word of God touches where? Deepest place, that contact point between soul and spirit. Nothing else that I can do gets there. If a person, you know, goes and gets a prescription medication so that they're not anxious or, you know, make them feel better or whatever, and there may be a place for that, but I'm just saying that still doesn't get to where God's word goes, to the depth of soul and spirit.

We can read all these studies and they'll basically, what's interesting is study after study will end up supporting scripture. And yet the study doesn't get where Scripture does. Scripture has the ability to touch in people's hearts and in people's spirits and in people's souls and minds at a place and to a degree and in a way and to an effect that none of these studies will ever get. So that's why we're taking the time to study God's Word. Even though these various studies are supportive of Scripture, they're not a replacement for it.

Yeah, right? Yeah, he's saying, doesn't it prove that the wrath of God is revealed against all ungodliness and unrighteousness? Yes. But on the other hand, what we're seeking to do here is to look at and say, on what does God put his blessing? On what has God revealed because he loves us? What has God laid out before us because he wants the very best for us?

And so it's really a matter of contrast, isn't it? Do we want this, which has death in it? Do we want this, which has wrath in it and consequences? Even in one of the passages we read there, the Lord is the avenger in these things. Or, do we want the very best? Do we want God's very best? And I think what we're looking at as we proceed here in this elective is saying, God intended to reveal for us because He loves us with self-sacrificial, infinite, unchanging love. He wants the very best. And He wants Christian marriages to be better than this world can comprehend. So that's why He's revealed these truths for us. And we can take ultimate confidence in what the Lord's revealed because He wants the very best. Alright, we've run out of time. Thoughts? Comments? Yeah, Nancy?

Well, you don't have time for this, but given all of this, given what God wants for us, the benefit of that, and the negatives of doing it elsewise, this class on biblical counseling, what do we say then to the person who has with someone who has cohabited with someone.

And they're experiencing this depression or this lack of security. They know that something's wrong in their lives, whether the relationship has ended, they're not doing it anymore, or whether they're still doing it. What do we say then? Because surely there must be hope. All right.

Nancy's asking the question, what do we say then to those who have already stumbled, if you will, It's not what I intended. Rather than spending the time looking for it, one of the points we made on a PowerPoint slide previously is essentially what we want to do is this.

What scripture reveals is there are spiritual realities about ourselves, about the Lord, about what the Lord has done. that are true. God's Word reveals a significant and essential part of those spiritual realities. By our putting faith in what has been revealed, that provides the proper and solid and secure foundation for the romantic relationship within marriage. What oftentimes happens because a great many couples don't have that proper foundation underneath essentially is a matter of the church can get involved. That's one of the reasons we're having this class. The church can get involved in helping place that foundation underneath the romantic relationship so that there is solid and eternally true and spiritually valuable support for the romantic relationship.

And that understanding also comes along with grace. We've seen all these horrible consequences, but there is also grace. And so the reality is that there are a number of people have already been through. They said, oh, I'd already been shattered enough times. I know that what I did was, to put it lightly, not the best. Now what? And the truth is that there is grace. There is truth still available for the person who said, hey, I've done everything wrong. How do I do what's right from here on out? The Lord has provision for that. Provision in who He is. Provision in what He's done. Provision in His infinite grace. And the Lord has an ability to reconstruct What has been damaged by faith in His Word? Art?

Where couples that are living under these circumstances that we've been talking about seek marriage and come somewhat of a difficult decision on the part of many pastors as to whether to marry. In the case, maybe these couples still, some of these couples still be unmarried or unbelievers. And some pastors have a reluctance to marry unbelievers. And certainly it's an opportunity when they are unbelievers.

Yeah. You were just talking about the challenge to pastors. I think the thing is, when I, because we've counseled a number of different situations, I don't have a problem actually with marrying two unbelievers. I still have to counsel with them, but I don't have a problem marrying them. I do have an absolute problem with marrying a believer to an unbeliever.

I won't do it. And whether believers or unbelievers, the reality is that unless there's some overriding piece of evidence that indicates contrary, there's a good chance that they're moving fairly quickly towards a marriage relationship. is going to be the wiser move because just having more partners and waiting longer and having more time shacking up, that's not good. The more partners you throw into the mix, the worse it's going to be. Like I say, there might be some overriding individual circumstances, but as a generalization, I'm inclined to advise them toward marriage unless you're talking about a believer and a non-believer. That's someplace I won't go. Good point. Jeremy, you had a question or a point.

I'm so constantly amazed at grace and one of the many aspects of grace is that God's grace allows a believer to walk in the Spirit and avoid making those moral decisions with consequences. And on the other side, if we have made those decisions and they have the consequences, God's grace allows us to continue from that point walking. Obviously God doesn't want us to make mistakes, but God's grace is enough that if we have made mistakes, whatever those consequences are, we can still draw closer to Him. And that's something God will even use to help us. All things work together for good. Even if we sin, God can still use that. And that's just something that constantly amazes me about God's grace.

Yeah, there is grace for those who have stumbled hard and long. And it doesn't mean that there may not be some ongoing consequences, but there is still grace and there is still an opportunity to take back some of what has been lost and to build those things up in the Lord.

We're out of time. Let's pray. Lord, as we look at this subject, certainly we have an immense contrast here. Great despair and depression and damaged emotions and spiritual opportunities lost on the one hand, and yet on the other hand, that contrast points all the more to the wonderful and marvelous character of the marriage of a couple who are in Christ and understand and recognize what their marriage is because of what you've revealed and what you've done. And we would just pray as the weeks go on here that you would give us growing and greater insights, Lord, and as Paul put it in 1 Corinthians 6, that you might be glorified. And we just thank you for this time. In Jesus' name, Amen.