Unbelieving & Understanding - Part II
1 Peter 3:1-7 · Vern Peterman · Feb 4, 2007
Marriage & Family, No. 09
Holly Hills Bible Church
https://www.hollyhillsbiblechurch.org/teaching/messages/4926016246528

Transcribed from the recording by SermonAudio, so expect the occasional misheard word.

Okay, last week we distributed this first Peter 3, 1 through 7 thing, and it was a slightly different version, but this is the one that we had intended. What I want to do is to not just simply go through it again in quite the same way, but instead to kind of revisit some of the issues that you either look at a little bit more deeply or in some cases kind of look beyond what's there on the surface.

One of those that comes up is actually in the last part where it talks about husbands living with your wives in an understanding way and thinking about, okay, what does that mean? We really kind of introduced it last week. But thinking about, we said that there were two aspects of this living with the wife, the husband living with the wife in an understanding way. And the one aspect is understanding God's word with regards to the marriage relationship. And the other aspect was the husband understanding the wife. Which, of course, from the world standpoint, is impossible. It's that classical joke. Who can understand a woman? Guys joke about it. They're prerogative. To be inscrutable is the nature of it, right?

And yet, here Peter actually says that he doesn't just advise, but he says, yeah, that's the way it should be. And so I think it's valuable to take a look at and to listen to what Peter is saying and to look at that. Make sure that we understand the depth of it.

This. OK. Here's. the wives and the husbands, and it is the husband's responsibility to live with the wife in an understanding way, understanding God's word and understanding her. The second half of that is a dynamic thing. Certainly we can grow in understanding God's word, but this understanding her, how does that continue to happen? That is, in the course of life, one of the things that Nancy and I discovered after being married over 50 years, life can keep you busy.

What are some of the things involved in that husband understanding the wife? Think about it. What does that mean? Rather than looking at the scripture directly, I'm asking you to give some thoughts. What are some things involved with the husband understanding the wife for the part of both the husband and the wife?

The obvious thing for me is time. Think about time. Quality time. Define quality, would you? Where you are specifically. hanging out to be with each other, not necessarily with other people, just yourself. Okay. And not just watching a movie, but communicating. Right. Okay. So there's a communication going on between the husband and wife in order for there to be understanding.

Why does that have to happen? What's so important about that? Let's say you agree on the movie and you say, that was a good movie. Isn't that good enough? You're shaking your head. Why not? What's wrong with that? Because there's no communication. Yeah. There's no communication going on. I've got another question. I've got three females here in the room. Uh-oh. I'm not talking. I'm recorded. Just as women, one or all three of you could answer, do you want to be understood? Boy, that didn't take long. Tell me about this.

Well first let me just say, we had a little joke at the end of the Deaconess meeting today that the Deaconesses meet once a year, the Deacons have to meet every month. Mainly because we talk to one another Throughout the weeks and the months and throughout the year, whereas the guys don't typically do that. In other words, for the gals, the relationship is ongoing and essential and central to what takes place. The guys have to make an appointment.

I was very interested in all three of you answering without any real hesitation and without any questioning in your voice as far as I understood it. Oh yeah, you want to be understood. Isn't that interesting? I think guys ought to take note of that. To see that quick reaction out of all three of the ladies and their different places in life, that's interesting. That's fascinating.

I think one of the reasons we want our husbands to understand us is because sometimes we don't understand ourselves. We need to know that maybe sometimes somebody else can give us some insight. Even if they can't give us insight, they will still love us. This is a fascinating thing to have all three of you ladies in different places in life.

So instantly answer yes. And I think, as guys, that's something for us to... Peter's not just throwing some hypothetical stuff. He's hit on something that the gals have a longing for. That's the way I would say it. The gals have a longing to be understood. And the immediacy and the universality, I was astounded. There is a longing for the gals on the gals' part to be understood. And that's important.

Why do you think that's there? You mentioned that the gals don't understand themselves at times. Do you have any other ideas as to why that? The other two of you, do you have any insights into why that's there? Because your response was immediate and clear.

I think women are probably more complex. Maybe if the husband at least is attempting to understand them, that balances it out because they're just more kind of concrete and simple. But I don't mean that in a bad way. It is what it is, black and white. looking at the nuances of the most basic situation. Her eyebrow went up when she said this. And the husband can kind of reel you back in if you're kind of out there but at the same time it's nice to be understood because like Nancy said sometimes you don't even quite understand yourself and the husband can really bring a clarity that women are capable of but they do get bogged down in all the little detail.

I think that's part of it, is that women tend to be more relational than men, which is why the deaconesses would be talking to one another throughout the weeks and months, whereas guys have to make an appointment. The deacons have to make an appointment. To us, that relationship involves communication. Because how will you know my heart, how can you understand me if we haven't talked?

So Peter directly puts a responsibility on the husband to live with the wife in an understanding way, but it involves a responsibility on the wife's part to communicate, right? Isn't that interesting? So here you've got this passage, seven verses, six to the wife. The seventh verse that's a directive to the husband has kind of a hidden responsibility on the part of the wife for her to communicate with the husband.

She has a part in assisting her husband to follow what Peter has laid out. for him to understand. The wife that is sealed up, shut up, kind of pulled off. You don't know, I'm not going to tell you. Yeah, that doesn't help the husband fulfill his role. So it's interesting. Here's this one that's so, it's a passage so dominantly pointed at the women, but even the one with this point at the men, the one verse, has an aspect that's kind of beneath the surface that has the woman's involvement with it.

Let's think about it. We've gotten some response from the gals. I was kind of amazed to see how immediate and universal the response was. I want to be understood. And this is amazing because this is a really profound... Think of it. Here is something the guys will joke. Who can understand a woman? And yet we had this immediate universal response of, I want to be understood. Wow! This is amazing.

So this means on the part of us guys, it is something, while guys can easily just kind of blow it off and say, hey, forget it, they're never going to understand, that instead it's something that guys need to intentionally pursue. That's the way the Lord has designed it.

Because notice that, although we've acknowledged that the woman has a responsibility in this, but that the man, has the objective responsibility and he is the one that's been tasked with living with the wife in an understanding way. It is up to the husband to pursue the understanding of the wife. She has a part. She has to cooperate with it. But on the other hand, I would say most women, that's a deep-seated longing. They want the husband to understand.

Notice that while I can make generalizations, and that's one of the things that I have made the last few times is some generalizations, there are specifics to each husband and wife relationship. Basically, that husband needs to be an expert on that wife, and nobody else can do it for him. I can give you a bunch of generalizations, but it won't work to just go off of those.

And think of us as guys. It means, kind of as we're thinking about things, and life is full of lots of things to think about, as we're thinking about things, is how am I pursuing the understanding with my wife? Now, what's the next thing that we're going to do to understand each other? And I think that's a really hard job. That's not an easy job for you guys. No, not easy at all. I mean, here's somebody in the world who's just kicked off, right? And Peter says, hey, that's your job.

And while it's certainly interactive, it's certainly on sort of a subtle side, it has a woman's responsibility, still it's to the guy to pursue that. And ultimately, what's that going to mean? It's going to satisfy the woman's desire to be understood and for relationship.

And guys, it's helpful for us to remember that. For us, we've got this we're thinking about and this other thing and we're going here and we're planning there and we've got various things to do. We've got all kinds of things occupying our mind. One little slice of the pie. that we need to visit from time to time is what's the next thing we're going to do so that I can understand her and live with her in an understanding way. Don't you think that is a lifelong process? Yes, it's an ongoing thing.

Notice he didn't say husband's first five years of marriage, do this and after that forget it. It's no big deal. No, he doesn't qualify it. He's been married two days, been married 20 years. It doesn't matter. The task is the same even if the content and character of it is different. The task is the same no matter where you are.

Wasn't it about eight or nine years ago we stopped by a friend's house and he said, you know, after a couple of years don't you just get bored because you know everything about the person? We laughed. We actually laughed because that very week we had made a discovery of something that we didn't know about each other. And we said, no, not at all.

It just keeps going and there's more to learn. And even over this last Christmas holiday, I was thinking about, well, why am I reacting like this? And why is this happening? And I finally was able to kind of put it all together. And I told Vern, and he said, aha, OK, well, we'll not do it this way again. So we'll work on making it He's understanding. It is a lifelong pursuit.

It will vary. Think of why is the task going to vary? Well, I think it depends on the stage of life you're in. If you have children or no children, an empty nest or whatever. And I think too that for women, well and for men too, sometimes the Lord reveals things to you, like why you might react a certain way to something. And it's kind of new to you and you need your husband to I think it's always changing because we are always changing.

Yes, that's right. We go through different life stages and different events. Different things happen. That's because of the dynamic nature of the different circumstances we are in. Even things happening in our bodies. All those things make for variation. It is not something that drops into monotony. I think that's another aspect of it.

You ladies universally, even though you're in different stages of your married life, even anticipating it, Universally and quickly you all said, yeah, I want to be understood. And that's a neat thing for guys to get. Oh, well the world joke, I guess that's not going to help very much. It just isn't going to help. And to realize that, no, I'm not to live out the world joke. I am indeed to understand her and to continue to pursue that through whatever life stages there are.

Think of it, the three ladies that are here, in your case you're looking forward to a wedding later on this year. at a wedding that took place and now you've got kids in the mix. All of them. And a dog. So you've got that part of the mix. In our situation, all three kids are out. They're all three married. Two of them have kids of their own. We've got four and a half grandkids.

So you've got different stages and all those different stages involve things both in terms of circumstances and even what's going on biologically that are different. You've got something more and something new to understand. It is a lifelong task so long as the two shall live. And our relationship to the Lord grows too. There we go. are conformed to his image separately as individual believers we have more to learn about. Yes, thank you for bringing that up because this is a key point that if we go back to this Ephesians passage where the husband of the four kinds of love, the second kind being sanctifying love, it means as the husband is growing and he's looking at the wife changing too, he is looking at leading her in that growth. There's not only just biological change, not just circumstantial change, but spiritual change. This is an amazing thing to think about. It is a lifelong thing that is rich. The husband has a place of understanding the wife. The wife longs to be understood. She longs to be told deep in her heart, boy, my husband really loves me.

And so she has this deep-seated longing that's built into that relationship and nothing else will substitute. You can't buy a car for her that will replace it. You can't buy a house or a ring or anything that will replace it. You can't hire somebody to replace it. This is interesting. This is something that the woman longs for that is irreplaceable. There is no substitute. It is astounding to ponder that thing. The need for that to be an ongoing and central part of the relationship never quits.

Looking back on our marriage, I would say that the things that were long-ongoing problems for us were often things that, one, I didn't know how to communicate, and two, you didn't understand. Yes. Yes. And so it's not fully Vern's blame to take, that he didn't understand me. They were things that I didn't always know how to communicate. And learning how to communicate is huge. It's enormous.

One of the things that, just in the last couple of years, I'd say, Bern, I don't understand what you're saying, and he would say the same thing. Exactly the same words. I'm not getting that, honey. And he'd say the same words. And finally, after 30 years, I said, you have to use some different words now, because I don't understand those words. And so now he does that. Yes, it isn't a hearing problem. I have that. But that's not at the core of the problem.

So anyway, I would encourage you to ponder that and to keep that in mind because here Peter is writing and he was married. Scripture, you know, he talks about his mother-in-law. It appears that his house on the north end of Galilee has been excavated and is actually his house. And that's the house. where Jesus performed the miracle.

As you look at Peter, Peter's not giving hypothetical advice or something dreamy or just idealistic. He says, guys, I'm telling you. I don't have much to say, but what I've got to tell you really counts. Live in an understanding way with your wife. She longs for it. She needs it. And there's no replacement for it. The health of the marriage, and health is almost an inadequate word, the health of the marriage depends upon that. And it's not something you can solve with the law. The law can't contribute to this.

Remember, you're joint heirs of grace. I have a question. Even though this particular statement is directed towards the husbands, don't husbands also have a desire to be understood? Do you men also want to be understood? Why did Peter focus this in the way he did? Well, probably because wives understand that we want to be understood, but us being so un-understanding that women want to be understood. Very well put. It is interesting how the apostles, when they laid things out, and Peter is just one example, The husbands have to be told to love the wives, but not conversely. The husbands have to be told to understand, but it's like the others, practically assumed. It's interesting. Guys can get sidetracked. We have a better natural ability. It's not perfect or automatic, but a natural ability to look at things more objectively, but we can also ignore things really well.

And what he's saying is, don't ignore it. Don't ignore this. Ignore lots of things, but not that. Not that. And he also writes, keep on doing it. This isn't just the first six months of marriage and then you're done. We did a number of years of not addressing things. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Where it's like, hmm.

We just had a fight about that subject, we won't broach that again. And so it didn't get resolved for a really long time, to our detriment. Yeah, well I stayed busy enough we couldn't get to it. Clever tactic. Don't write that down. If all she can see is a blur, it's pretty hard to talk to me about it.

I think that's a rather obvious, but not to be missed, aspect of it, and that is that there is a time element to it. Life is busy, and you get kids in the mix, which is what you've got. Even in our situation, we've got three kids that are married who don't have kids directly in the mix, but now we have not only our kids, but grandkids. to be involved with, and we're involved with them. Even the ones that are in Carson City, we call and send things and go visit them and have them come visit. So there's things that are involved there.

Is it different? Yes, it's different. But it doesn't mean, okay, now I'm done with that. It doesn't work that way. And we are amazed when we have them come overnight at how exhausted we are. Yes. I know. Whoa. Amazing how you prepared. They don't stop. It's astounding. They keep moving. You know that. So that's astounding. Another thing to look at here, and it's a matter of just kind of looking at what's there and trying to make sure we look at the angles.

Especially if we look at the passage in Ephesians, Peter talks about it to some degree too, but probably the passage in Ephesians touches on it more. He talks about not only husbands and wives, but he talks about parents and children in Ephesians 5 and 6. He talks about slaves and masters. And we have all kinds of authority situations in our own culture to which there's some applicability. And probably the closest thing that we have more regularly is the employer-employee situation. But think about this. Here from the beginning of the Bible, and we haven't gotten to Genesis 2 and 3 yet, here from the beginning of the Bible, here's husband and wife.

You get into Ephesians and to some extent 1 Peter, and there is discussion of other relationships you have, not just husband and wife, but you've got a parent and child. You've got the slave and master, which let's morph that for our purposes into employer and employee. Is it possible that a husband and wife can slip gears and slip into one of those other relationships? Can a husband and wife relationship slip into a parent and child relationship?

Is that what Peter and Paul have in mind? Is that what they have in mind? No. No, they don't. But does it happen? It certainly can. Does it happen? It can happen either way. It can happen where the husband acts like a father to the wife or that the wife acts as a mother to the husband.

Nancy and I have counseled a number of different couples and it's interesting. Over multiple years. Over multiple years. And even some, they're out of state now. We have out-of-state counseling situations. But we've noticed that from time to time we'll find couples that have slipped either as a short-term thing, and I would say even between ourselves, and Nancy and I were talking about this so it's no surprise to either of us, even between ourselves we can look at times where we have slipped into one of those other roles. I bring that up because he'll talk about husbands and wives and these other things, but essentially what happens is, while they don't have some warning, don't slip into these other things, what happens is people slip into them and they unwittingly slip out of the husband and wife kind of relationship. Are they still husband and wife? Yes, they are. But the character of it slips into another kind of relationship. And so we've seen situations where the wife is just kind of delivering orders to the husband.

Don't do that, don't do that. It's kind of the mother correcting the child. And we've seen that. We have seen situations where the reverse takes place. Where the husband is in a spot where he's dealing with her as if this is a daughter. So you see that and I bring that up as a caution here.

We've heard Peter and Paul talking about husbands and wives and recognizing both of them will bring up these other relationships. Yet the reality is the husband and wife relationship slips into these others. Now what happens when that takes place? What does that distort biblically when that takes place? Let's take it for instance. The wife is acting as a mother and the husband as a child.

What's not right there? What's no longer biblical since they've stepped into that role? She became the leader. Yeah, all of a sudden she's leading, right? So that's one thing that's going on. Well, if marriage is a picture of Christ in the church, she's taking the position of Christ being there.

Yes, you see what's happened here is it's a distortion of God's intent for the husband and wife relationship. So what happens is it's a role that almost any couple can slip, it's kind of like a transmission to use the analogy, slip out of gear, jump out of gear or something, we can slip into some other role that no longer lives out the romance between Christ and the Church. It's something else. The husband now, if the husband is the one playing the parent and the wife is now the child, certainly he's doing some leading, but what's missing?

What did Peter say in 1 Peter 3.7? That you are joint heirs of the grace of life. That's one thing, there's a lack of recognition. Wait a minute, you have the same position as Christ. Think of the four kinds of love. A sacrificial, sanctifying, caring, bonded love.

Any of those start to get distorted if he's a parent instead of a husband? What gets distorted the worst? At first, there's the principle of unity between them. The oneness principle between them starts to get distorted. Wait a minute, this is a parent-child kind of thing.

In a parent-child relationship, eventually what happens to the child? They grow up and they leave, right? Is that what you intend with the wife and the husband? Is that what God intends with the wife and the husband? No. So you have the parent-child relationship as a temporary relationship that even while both are alive is going to end. We've got all three kids and I don't try to tell my kids what to do. Not that it would do any good, but it's no longer appropriate. So the parent-child relationship has a character to it that it is for a time. The husband-wife relationship is for whatever time. Presumably a long time. Yeah, presumably a long time. Lifelong. Yeah, lifelong is the general assumption and intent. So that's one thing in terms of the longevity of the relationship. Where is this relationship going?

I can look back on different things that Randy used to do and used to say and things I used to do as a parent. He's taken care of his own household. He's got his own kids. We have a relationship with each other but it's not like it was. It no longer has that parent-child characteristic to it. He is to be the head of his home and I don't want to do anything to undermine that.

And in saying that, both of my parents are home with the Lord now. And there are times when I miss the ability to talk to one or both of them about something that I think I could really benefit from their wisdom. So parenting doesn't end when the children walk out the door, but it certainly changes in character greatly. So if you think about it, you're right, this bondedness thing which also looks to the oneness principle, and it also looks at this thing as a lifetime kind of mindset to it, whereas the parent-child thing is there's a time when you're done. There's a time when you're out of here.

I walked Becky up the aisle and boy, that really rattled my cage. I walked Becky up the aisle and afterwards I'm thinking, man, did I do the right thing? But I just handed her off to this other guy and that's her head. He's in charge of her, not me anymore. And you did the right thing. Yeah, but it took me a while to get my head screwed on about that one. Boy, that really rattled my cage. It did? But there's a change that takes place there.

With the husband and wife relationship, it's a till death do us part. Till death do us part, we live out the eternal relationship between Christ and the Church. So there is a distortion of that bondedness that changes. How about also in this sanctifying love, Basically, the way scripture writes it, I am looking to Nancy's growth to make it personal. I'm looking to Nancy's spiritual growth until she goes to see the Lord face to face. That's not true of my kids. I care about them. If there's any opportunity, the Lord opens up and we're there willing, that's fine. But again, not the longevity there.

Randy has a responsibility in his own household. Ed has a responsibility in his own household. I handed Becky off to Kurt. Kurt has a responsibility in that household. I'm no longer the head. It's a key thing to look at, the husband-wife relationship. Both husband and wife can get some value in recognizing that we've changed hats here. in asking the question, wait a minute, this feels like something different, and just recognizing that. In the marriage relationship, or it may even be employer-employee kind of thing, you do this and you're accountable to me. if I don't like to do all fire again. Even taking it back a few steps, there was a time when we were dating where I was spiritually acting as if Bernie were my husband.

But he wasn't yet. We weren't even engaged. Do you remember that? Sort of. Because I remember coming to you at some point and saying, apologizing to you. I remember that. You know, I've been treating you as if you were my husband. And you're not. And he said, yeah, I'm not. And he didn't run? Yeah, exactly.

I was terrified. But yeah, eventually we did get married and he is my spiritual head now, but you know, he wasn't at that point in time. And I needed to recognize that even though my dad was not vocal about his faith, he was still For that time, he was my head. He was my spiritual head. And I didn't recognize that for a while.

So that would be the other area that I would encourage as we're looking at relationships. And this understanding, that's a part of it too. Looking at it and saying, are we pursuing this relationship as what God describes in scripture for husband and wife? Has it got all those characteristics? Or have we kind of slipped out of gear somewhere here? And then some talking about what does it take to get back on board. It's possible that this thing has slipped out of gear in both people. Got some thinking through to do. How'd this happen?

It may be something that seems fairly one-sided, but it may be that both people have got something to contribute to this. And we certainly found that in our marriage that it was usually quite well balanced. He may have done this, but I did this. So that's another aspect. We look at these passages just pondering if what we've got and what we're living out is a biblical husband and wife relationship. Or if we slip gears into something else and then talking through, okay, what is it that gives it that kind of a character? Sometimes it will be pretty obvious and sometimes it won't be.

Notice something that the way the husband expresses his love to the wife will be in keeping with the biblical pattern. and those expressed biblically don't slip into the other relationships. Notice too that the husband being respected by the wife also avoids some of this problem. Instances where we sat down with a couple and Nancy and I are kind of thinking and looking at each other How do you say this? Does it seem to you like you're treating your husband as if he were a child? And does that convey respect to him?

So these are things, and obviously we sit down in the counseling situation, but it doesn't automatically have to be that. Husband and wife may often, and certainly what we encourage, be able to recognize this. Just because they know, okay, here's what scripture describes, We know what that looks like. It's part of the understanding. Here's what scripture describes and here's also the parent-child relationship.

Gee, we've slipped a gear here to be able to recognize it and talk it out and talk it through. We were slow learners. We didn't see it till... Oh yeah. It's nice to see it eventually. It's kind of like driving down the road with the emergency brake on and then realizing that, gee, for the last 300 miles we've had the emergency brake on. Hopefully you'll see it before it gets too far down the road. Please smoke. Yeah. It doesn't smell so good.

No. Here's another one that Peter has touched on, and that is he's exhorting the wives. He doesn't say you can't wear nice clothes or wear any makeup or try to look attractive, but he does tell them to put the focus on, here's what God looks at. So it's a key thing. Have you ever run across a situation where the guy describes prior to marriage, here's my ideal wife, here's what I want in a wife. Have you ever run across that?

And he's got his list, sometimes it's written. I even see in the words, multiple pages. I got one of those lists. Do you have one of those lists? I got one of those lists. It's about three pages. Three pages. I got it via email. Wow. Some guy's list. I go, whoa. Oh my goodness. Now, part of the thing, when you look at that, we were in Carson City. But yeah, anyway. Oh, I think I know. So here we got this, oh boy. Alright, so this woman has got to look at X, Y, and Z, so and so, right?

Well, part of the problem is, one, does that put the focus where Peter puts the focus? Is the focus spiritual here? Does he say, I want a woman that recognizes that God values in her a gentle and quiet spirit? Is that what they say? Typically not. So this is a key thing. The other thing is that guys can have an unwritten code in their head about the way that works out. This is the ideal woman and what they won't say but might be there is, and I'll love her if she meets those criteria. And if she fails to meet those criteria, I'm not so sure. And I've seen that before too. That can be pretty nasty for a gal to have to live through. Oh my gosh, it's devastating. Yeah, it's devastating. We've seen situations where it has become traumatic. I'm talking serious traumatic problems from that mindset on the part of the guy.

The mindset meaning more of the physical attributes. As long as she doesn't gain. Yeah, certain physical attributes and she's got to do X, Y, and Z and behave certain ways. It's everything from physical attributes to certain patterns of behavior and that's my ideal woman and I'll love her if. I know of one man who came to his wife and said, if you ever get fat, I will divorce you. And I've even seen it beyond that. where before a marriage took place, far more detailed criteria as to almost to the point of what's your body mass index kind of stuff. Oh boy, that's specific. You're talking about doing that for 50 years? Oh boy. You're in big trouble. The thing is if you look at what Peter wrote, what is he saying? He's speaking to the woman, but it's also a message to the man.

What does God consider valuable? What's precious in His sight? And this is what the husband should be doing in his unconditional love, is saying, what does God consider precious? I want this woman to be presentable before the Lord, to be glorious, and spiritually, without spot or wrinkle, to be presented before the Lord as a pure and spotless bride.

And that is the focus. That's the key. And a real valuable insight to have, whether you're in a spot where you're not starting the marriage yet, or whether you're at some stage along the way, to look at it in terms of, this is not a condition of love. And the guy thinking, what does God value in her? That's what I want to value too. Makes sense?

Essentially, this is looking at her spiritually, as a spiritual being, which Peter underscores in verse 7 there. She's a joint heir of the grace of life. In terms of what does God value, it's clear. A gentle and quiet spirit. In terms of what position has God given her, same as yours.

It's not something where we can end up putting physical criteria, or I will love you if, kinds of statements. And yet, so these are Christian guys that I've gotten a lot of these kinds of comments from. It is astounding. Including the one who emailed me, this three page, this is my ideal woman, oh, kind of thing. And he's still single, right? Yeah. What a surprise. Yeah. So, anyway, I kind of wanted to do a revisit of those verses, pondering on those points, and asking those questions, because some of those are not quite so boldly stated, and yet they're there within the scriptures.

This is what's important. This is what counts. This is what a husband and wife relationship is defined as. This is what God cares about. This is what matters. This is what's going to make the difference in the marriage as the years go by. I think it's important for women to understand, too, that yes, you do want to look nice for your husband. I don't think any of the guys in this room are so superficial that they find that to be the most attractive thing about you. That it is, in fact, that gentle and quiet spirit, the imperishable relationship with the Lord, that is the most attractive thing to them. And we have actually known people who, as the husband loved his wife, and as she grew in the Lord, she physically became more beautiful. Yeah, and I know who you're talking about. Yeah, and it's just really an awesome thing to see. That we last saw them at our wedding. Yeah. Any other thoughts, questions, puzzlings, blazing insights?

We'll call it there. We're going to take next week off because we're going to have this potluck. So we'll not do that. After that, I need to lay down a schedule for probably through the end until the end of March, something like that. If all of you can kind of take a look at your calendars and if there's a specific weekend where you say it'd be nice if we didn't meet here because I've got something, then I can try to match things up and then we'll plan something for when you're obviously going to be gone if we can avoid it. And so then I'll send out a schedule via email to the next week here that'll I go through the end of March and that will give us a month and a half or almost two months scheduled out.

There's a potluck here. It's anybody who's involved in the service or would like to be involved in the service. Everything from ushers to musicians to Sound people, service leaders, instrumental, vocal, all those things. To bring the kids. And it won't be a long meeting time. Yeah, it'll be short, five minutes. 10 minutes max is what I envision. So it won't be long. So probably figure 15 because people will ask questions and then... Well, actually what I'd probably be more inclined to do is talk later privately for the most part, just because I don't want something that drags on. Okay. Intentionally keep it quite brief.

Let's pray and we'll call it good. Lord we thank you as we've looked at your word here and we've considered some of the things that have been brought forward. It is amazing to see your love and your grace and to see in the relationships that You've put us in these marriage relationships. You have laid so many deep things out and critical things out so clearly. You've put your finger on things that this world is just plain missed. We give you thanks for it. We ask for your wisdom and your working in our hearts. In Jesus' name, amen.