Introduction: The Eternal Romance of Christ & the Church
Vern Peterman · Oct 15, 2006
Marriage & Family, No. 01
Holly Hills Bible Church
https://www.hollyhillsbiblechurch.org/teaching/messages/492605305898

Transcribed from the recording by SermonAudio, so expect the occasional misheard word.

What we're going to be doing is meeting like this every Sunday after church, except we're going to send it out around the holidays, just because people usually just swamp busy anyway. So I guess part of my thought is we're thinking of sending it out like Thanksgiving weekend, not have it around Christmas and New Year's and all that because people have too much stuff going on. If you have any other particular dates when you, hey, let's not meet here because we'd like to be here, just let us know and we'll try to work as much as we can. We will do like we're doing here and recording it so you can get it either on tape or on MP3. I'm not quite sure if we're going to at least be able to get you a disc and a CD. And then we'll have a handout that goes along with it each time as well.

And the idea is we'll do first on marriage and then on family and then on finances. And one of the reasons for kind of breaking it up that way is there may be people who maybe don't want to take this part but they're interested in another part. What we'll do this particular time is look at how we're going to approach this in terms of the marriage part of it.

What I'd like to take a look at here is we're going to be centering our time on Ephesians chapter 5 verses 20-33. One of the reasons for approaching it the way we're approaching it here is just getting the understanding from Scripture. What is Paul's point in Ephesians 5? He says the relationship between the husband and wife is as the relationship between Christ and the church. And he keeps going back to that a few times.

And one of the things that we want to pick up on is how how dominant a theme that is in scripture, particularly in the New Testament. It's interesting, Nancy and I will do marriage counseling, which we do together. When we talk to people, some folks want to just fix our marriage or something of that sort, but ultimately what it boils down to is The relationship between Christ and the church is so significant and important an example that it's impossible to just go in and fix the marriage, at least from a biblical standpoint. Because in the end the relationship between Christ and the church and each believer's relationship with the Lord becomes so prominent in the Christian view of marriage. that it's understanding that relationship between Christ and the Church. And of course, me as a believer, my relationship with the Lord, that's the basis for everything else that happens. Let's step through this one slide at a time here.

Ephesians 1, 3 and 4, blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ just as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world that we would be holy and blameless before him in love.

Think of it, how in the old Jewish marriage custom, how was the bride selected? How did they come about with, oh this is the bride. The Father chose the bride. So what's happening here is the Father is the one who does the choosing of us. So just as He chose us in Him, the Father did the choosing of the bride, the church, for His Son, just as was done in the Jewish marriage custom, in the Jewish families.

And that phrase, holy and blameless, and before him, holy and blameless before him, comes up again in Ephesians chapter 5 in the passage that we'll be zeroing in on. 527, that he might present to himself. Who's the he? Christ. Christ is the he that Christ might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. Same holy and blameless. And notice the before him that he might present to himself idea being brought up again. The holy and blameless was a kind of a standard phrase for this is the description of the wife.

I have there Colossians 1.22 and 2 Corinthians 11.2. The presentation there, Paul says that I long to present you as a spotless bride before the Lord. Now I've got the next one. The Jewish marriage practices in the New Testament times. At the appointed time the father would send the prospective bridegroom from the father's house to the home of the prospective bride. And so look at John 12, 49 there. The father himself who sent me. Who says that? Christ. Christ is the one who says that. The father did the sending. Just like in the Jewish marriage customs. And then again in John 20, 21. The father who sent me.

It must have astounded the disciples. Think, here they are, alright, here's the disciples, and you've got Peter, James, John, Andrew, Fisherman, right? Jesus is using these Jewish marriage custom words and phrases. They must have blown their circuits. To have this reference, and we'll see there's more. This reference, and here's the father who sentenced, very much like the Jewish marriage custom. How about the next one over there?

There he would negotiate, here the bridegroom would negotiate with the father of the woman to determine the purchase price of the bride. How much to pay the purchase price of this bride. And then here for the church, for us the church, the bride price was Christ's death on the cross. Why would the bridegroom have to pay for his bride? Isn't that an interesting thing? The bridegroom would pay for the bride and it is like the bridegroom making an investment in the marriage.

As a matter of fact, if at some point in time he determined to divorce her, he had to give the money back. He had to cough it up. We even have instances where he didn't have the money And he wrote out a promissory note to pay it back. And in some cases he couldn't pay the promissory note and he had to make himself a slave. So it was looked at very seriously. So what's the bride price? The cross.

And that's why I put down Hebrews 12.2, who for the joy set before him endured the cross. Christ endured the cross. Isn't that something? That's the purchase price of this bride? Gladly. I'll gladly pay it. Which is something for us to think about. For the Lord to say, you know, hang on a Roman cross voluntarily. Take the sins of the whole world on you. Yeah, I'll do it. That's amazing. And remember that when you get into Ephesians 5.

The bride price that he voluntarily paid. The Jewish marriage practice is in New Testament times there in the fifth one. Once the bridegroom paid the purchase price, the marriage covenant was thereby established, and the young man and the young woman were then considered to be husband and wife.

They were betrothed. We have an engagement in our custom, in our culture, but it has no legal import. Whereas in the Jewish view of things, you were betrothed, you were promised, and it had legal import. You put the money down. And what would happen if you decided you were going to break the engagement? You had to get a divorce. It was taken seriously.

This would explain, for example, Here's Mary. She was probably in her early to middle teens. You can imagine that. So here's Mary. I'm trying to think. Who do we have on our congregation, the gal that's in her early to middle teens? Erica. And how old is she roughly? Thirteen or fourteen. That would be probably Mary's age. So here's Erica.

And the angel Gabriel. The angel Gabriel comes to a gal about that age in a town that probably has about 80 people in the town. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. So now here is this little town of Nazareth, about 80 people. Here is Mary and the angel Gabriel. And by the way, only two angels are named in the Bible. There is one of them. Comes to her and says, You're going to have the one that God promised to David a thousand years ago. You're the one. Picture Erica or Kaylee getting that message. And she's thinking, wait a minute, I'm a virgin. How does this compute? And she was betrothed to Joseph. She was betrothed. Now remember, she's betrothed. Look at how the bride price The promise is already there and now she's going to tell Joseph, I'm going to have a baby. So Joseph is thinking, uh oh.

So what did he do? It says in the scripture, he determined to put her away quietly. There was an option for having a divorce that was a no-fault secret divorce. And he determined, of course, how are you going to keep that quiet? So he could go through the process and do as little damage in terms of the public outcry and impressions of everybody and all that is possible. This really speaks highly of Joseph. I mean obviously he knows everybody's going to know she's pregnant pretty soon and yet he is not desirous of shaming her. That's a wonderful quality.

So it was official I mean it was legal but not official. Yeah, they were married but there was no physical intimacy at that point, am I correct? That's correct. And so she would be kept a virgin and in fact maybe you bring this out later that it's the responsibility of the family and the friends and neighbors to make sure that she remains pure and remains virgin until the marriage. So it's a legal connection, a legal arrangement that's been made. The bride groom has already paid the bride price. They've been through, and we'll talk about this in a minute, they've been through a ceremony together and it's basically thoroughly understood and legally established.

So it's not an informal thing like our engagement is now. You're not getting unhooked from this thing without a legal document. So now, since Christ the Bridegroom has paid the price, the marriage covenant has been established and the church is now betrothed to Christ. That was the reason for Paul's writing in 2 Corinthians 11.

I wish to present you as a pure and spotless virgin to the Lord. He says, it's my job, you have already entered the engagement period, and it's my job to keep you pure up until the time of your presentation to Christ as his bride. It was looked at as the obligation of family and friends to do that. Then the bridegroom would declare to the bride before the father of the bride that she was consecrated, sanctified, and set apart exclusively for her bridegroom.

That's why Paul would say in Ephesians 5.25 that Christ paid the bride price so that he might sanctify the church's bride. Sanctify means what? To make holy. So here is the bride price paid and she is set apart for him. That's what the idea is.

So she is to be kept pure. She is to herself focus upon that. It is the responsibility of the bride's family, both immediate and extended family, and the bride's friends all to keep her pure and get her prepared for that time. She herself is dedicated to that and everybody else who is close to her, family and friends, are all focused on keeping her pure and ready for that day. So think about that in terms of the church. Our mutual responsibility for one another is the same preparation for that day, isn't it?

As a symbol of the covenant relationship that had been established, the groom and bride would drink from a cup of wine over which a betrothal benediction had been pronounced. And this is at the wedding? No, this is still at the betrothal. So what would happen? Our taking of the Lord's table is a commemoration of the betrothal we have with Christ.

A remembrance of that betrothal. who paid the bride price in full with his own blood, it says, until he comes. And you know what they would say? The groom would hold the cup, and they would be prepared to share the cup, but before they'd share the cup, the groom would look his bride in the face with the father and others, you know, if need be, around, and he would say, this is the new covenant. So Jesus said that at the Last Supper, and added, in my blood.

It was a betrothal ceremony that he was doing there at what we call the Lord's Table. He was looking at it, and this had massive significance. Can you imagine? Those were the words that they would say for the betrothal. Imagine, here are the disciples. They're gathered with him. This is Passover. And Jesus starts using this wedding, betrothal ceremony language. They must have been horrifically confused. Wait a minute! You're at the wrong ceremony! You know? See? Alright, then the next one.

Then the betrothed bridegroom would begin preparing a place for the bride. Ah, and the bridegroom to live. And in which they would live together once the wedding had taken place. So Jesus in John 14. He says, I go and prepare a place for you, and I will come again and receive you to myself, that where I am, there you may be also. Can you imagine the disciples hearing this stuff? All this language that they're hearing, it's like one thing after another. This is all betrothal and getting ready for a wedding language. They just must have been really mind blown.

Can you imagine that? Is this making sense? I think it's important to get the picture of what this is portraying because as we get into Ephesians 5, we'll begin to see because it's the relationship of Christ to the church that's the example upon which everything else is based. We need to get the picture of what we're talking about.

From then until the time of the wedding, the father was to keep the bride consecrated, sanctified, and set apart exclusively for the bridegroom. Family and friends were expected to help. Jesus, praying to the Father, said, sanctify them in the truth. Your word is truth. So how do we get prepared? God's word. God's word is a key aspect of our preparation. And that's what we're doing now, right? God's word is a key element in preparing us for that time when the Lord will come for us and meet us face to face. That's what he was praying in John 17, 17.

Who was he praying to? The Father. The one who would call the time. The one who would send him saying, this is the bride price that you can pay. Isn't that something? Paul also in that 2 Corinthians 11 verse that I made reference to, that's what he says. He says, I want to keep you pure. That's my obligation, to keep you pure for that day. Right?

And the bride was also to prepare for the wedding day. She was in preparation for the wedding to take a customary bridal bath. Not just so she was physically clean, but to picture her moral cleanliness. We do bridal showers sometimes. Yeah, bridal showers. Alright, step in there. So here a dry cleaning. Dry cleaning, yeah.

In 2 Corinthians 6.11, this is just after, remember this is where he said, such were some of you You are this, and you are that, and you are this.

But he says, you are washed, you are sanctified. See, this is the bridal bath, so to speak here. But you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the spirit of our God. The other point that comes out, and we'll see it shortly, is in Ephesians 5. It talks about the washing of water with the Word. And so there's that aspect of it.

The other thing that says, on the wedding day, the father of the bridegroom would say to the bridegroom, go get your bride. So the bridegroom would go to receive his consecrated, sanctified, set-apart bride unto himself, to be presented to him by the bride's father, family, and friends, and the groom also presenting her to himself, she being holy and blameless. So as we look at this passage, and as we start looking at it, we'll move into Ephesians 5. The thing to keep in mind, because he keeps making the comparison between the relationship between husband and wife is as the relationship between Christ and the church.

This is valuable stuff. Because Nancy and I sit down both with couples that are about to be married, as well as couples who have already been married. Whether somebody is catching up to it or whether it's preparation for their own wedding day, this is valuable stuff. Who isn't going to be married or doesn't know when they're going to be married?

This is Bible stuff. Because the focal point is still what's the relationship between Christ and the Church. And that's good for every believer to learn about, right? And to recognize that what's happening, and here's the thing that we spell out to people when we get into talking with people or teaching it in the group.

The husband and wife have as the example the relationship between Christ and the church. So the reality... on which the marriage is based is the relationship between Christ and the Church. That is, and I'm not pushing the language at all, that is the eternal romance between Christ and the Church that is begun here by what the Lord has initiated.

So what happens, and Nancy and I next month will be married 33 years, I am mind blown Continually and increasingly, after almost 33 years of marriage, to recognize what Nancy and I have the awesome privilege of is to live out the eternal romance between Christ and the Church for whatever time the Lord gives us.

So far it's been almost 33 years. But we're not just living out some civil ceremony. We're not living out some religious thing. We are living out, we are living analogies for whatever time the Lord gives us of the eternal romance between Christ and the church. That's cool. That's awesome. So that's what gives such significance and Nancy will tell you when we go over this stuff I get choked up and excited and everything else. Because this is just unbelievably awesome.

The world will have all kinds of marriage jokes. You've heard them. You've seen bad marriages and marriages that break up. But to be able to say, no, what we're living out is the eternal romance between Christ and the Church. So we get to be this living picture of that eternal romance. The eternal romance between Christ and the Church has eternal significance and is what It's what we are getting ready for when we get together as believers, when we individually study God's word and all the things that go on. All those are directed towards us being prepared for that day, right? Sanctify them in your truth. So we're not just being married folks. We're not just having some sort of legal ceremony. It's not just, oh isn't that sweet? Now let's put all the presents away and live life.

It's instead this incredibly awesome thing where in the morning I get up. One of my favorite things is Nancy gets up. I'm usually up before her. She gets up. I love to hug her. And I just think, oh man, today we get to get this out. Deep stuff. And that's the cool thing. If you look at this last slide, they're being sanctified in Christ, being set apart for Him. There's a time perspective. In the past, believers were made saints. They were set apart for Him. How did that happen?

That happened when Christ paid the bride price for us. For the joy set before Him, and it's this wedding joy. For the joy set before Him, He said, I'll pay the bride price. I'll pay the bride price. Put your name in there. I will gladly pay the right price.

Think of how awful the Roman cross was. It was so awful that to pronounce the word, the crucifixion was staros and that was like a four-letter word, the worst of four-letter words in our language. It was so foul to pronounce the judgment. the Roman governors and officials were allowed to say alternate terminology. And then it had a significance.

You're going to take on Isaiah 53. You're going to take on the sins of the whole world upon you. And the wrath of the Father is going to be on you. Will you sign up for that? And he said, yeah, I'll pay that price for us, for you and for me. And that's phenomenal. This is just outrageously cool stuff. So that's why when we start looking at these passages, I just get excited time and again. It grabs me.

It grabs me because this is not just, how do I have a marriage where we don't fight too much? How do I have a marriage that works out pretty good? No. This is God's design in which I get to live out the eternal romance between Christ and the church. So I have a marriage that has significance behind it that's just untouchable.

Here's the flip side of that. Is the world going to understand marriage from that standpoint? No. The world is not going to comprehend it. So what's happening is I get to have a marriage that is expressing the eternal romance between Christ and the church and to the world, it should be inexplicable. They should look at that relationship and say, man, I can't even fathom what that's about. It should be baffling to them.

This is a question I have. A lot of this, what Christ is playing out here, is mimicking human marriage in a way, I guess, so that we can understand the relationship between Christ and us. But it seems like these days marriage isn't that significant, and now we have to mimic what Christ represents and mimic that in marriage. Does that make our human marriage, is it to point out to non-believers to point to Christ?

What's the significance of that? It actually has several different audiences. The first thing is that it has the greatest significance between the two of them. And we'll see that more as we go through it. That the relationship between the husband and the wife, that's where the greatest significance is to be played out. And that's where it starts.

And what we'll see, as I read through it every single time, and I've sat down with couples, I've taught it in front of larger groups, every single time I just get grabbed. It grabs me at the heart. You know, I think that throughout all of history, marriage was set up to be a picture of the relationship between Christ, or between God and man. Do you agree that Christ is sovereign and that he designed it from the very beginning?

Because of the fall, marriage gets warped. You find unbelievers getting married and they don't live out a godly marriage. Even if they have a good marriage, there's no foundation of Christ in it. There's no foundation of God in it. And then when you get to the church, of course Judaism then brought in a lot of the symbolism which Christ then used to speak to the disciples and to speak to us. And so we as believers have an opportunity to see that in a way that the world didn't see it. And even the Jews didn't see it. They didn't see the picture that God was trying to give them there. And so our marriages have the opportunity to encourage other believers in their relationship with the Lord and to be an aroma to unbelievers of what God's love is like, what Christ's love is for us.

And so I think the picture You know, like the fall, man just got totally messed up and sin was brought in, and then with Judaism, well look, here's a picture of what I want it to be, but that's under law. If you do this, I'll do that. See, that still doesn't work. And then with Christ, He does it all. And He's the one who presents us holy and blameless, and that's what we get to show.

There is a message in a ministry in the marriage. It starts with obviously a relationship with the Lord on a human level. It's between husband and wife. There is a message also to the church in that and even to unbelievers. Of Christ's love for us. One of the things that he's going to spell out, because we'll see this in more detail, there are four kinds of love spelled out in Ephesians 5, 22-33 of the husband for the wife. So four kinds of love. The husband is told basically four times to love his wife. To love her unconditionally. And the first of those is going to be sacrificially. So the example of the husband's love for the wife is Christ's love for the church given in the sacrifice. Yeah, I'll pay the price. I'd love to.

And so that is to be lived out, not just hypothetically, but in reality. And so it will be an inexplicable, baffling relationship if it's lived out the way God intends. If they have a chance to look at it and they're willing to ponder it, it should be baffling because it has an example that's outside of anything in human experience. It has an energizing and a life source out of the Lord himself. The world can't touch that and can't comprehend it. There should be something that is quite inexplicable, quite baffling.

What's going on here? And that's a good thing. That's the way it should be. In the past, the Lord has paid the price for us. He has given us our position. He has paid the bride price. The Father has set it up. The Father has been involved in telling the Son, you go pay the bride price. This is what you're going to pay.

In the future, and I'm going to jump ahead of it, in the future, we'll be completely and irreversibly sanctified. We will be a part of that wedding day with the Lord. In the Jewish ceremony, the father told the bridegroom, okay, now, he gave the time, go get your bride. So that time will come, and the name that we have for that is the rapture. Okay, father will tell the son, now go get your bride. Even Acts chapter 1, Jesus tells the disciples just before he ascends from the Mount of Olives, the father sets the time for those things. He calls the shots. In the present, we're being sanctified as we behold Christ. We are being prepared.

That's the current process. We've been betrothed. We've been saved. The bride price has been paid. In the future, we'll go to be with the Lord. The Father will tell the Son, go get your bride. We're in the preparation time now. That's where we're at right now. We're in preparation time. We're looking forward to that time when the Lord will come. That brings up one more subject. Nancy and I have talked about this.

There will come a time when the Lord will call us home. We hope He calls us while we're both walking around. There will come a time when the Lord calls us home. When we get to the other side and walk through heaven's gates, I don't think we're going to be saying, this is cool, I like worshiping the Lord, but I sure miss being married to Nancy.

I think what's going to happen is we will realize that Nancy and I, for the time the Lord has given us, have been privileged to live out this awesome picture. We're a living picture of the romance between Christ and the Church. Every day that just grabs me. It is awesome in the extreme. What's going to happen when we walk through heaven's gates is we're going to say, We were living the illustration of this, the reality.

This is what it's for. Our marriage will not be looked upon as a, gee, that was really cool, I wish, I miss it. It will instead be a, oh, this is what it's about, of course. It will be overshadowed because we're living the analogy now. We'll be living the reality then. And so it won't be a time of disappointment.

It'll be a time of No. Living out the relationship between Christ and the church for whatever time the Lord gave us was really cool. But this is the best. A little bit like the engagement period or the betrothal period. is the foreshadowing of the marriage. This is the betrothal period for us with Christ, and that will be the living out of the marriage. Yes, that's the reality.

So we get to live out, we have the privilege of living out for the time the Lord gives us, this awesome reality. The ultimate thing, the ultimate fulfillment that we're being prepared for, as Nancy puts it, is that time when we'll be with the Lord face to face. And we won't be looking forward to the coffee break. We won't be looking down at our watches. As we look at this, we'll go into a lot more details obviously in the weeks ahead, but that's the perspective I think it's important to keep in mind.

This is about the eternal relationship with the Lord. This is about our time with Him in eternity and then the preparation time. And we have this incredible privilege of being able to live out the analogy, to be the living illustration. And so in the weeks ahead as we start looking at the passages and looking at the details, Ephesians 5, 22-33 will be a focal point.

In the end, it will continue to build on this idea, that perspective. So it won't be just a, here's how to keep from squabbling, here's a few little communication tips or something of that sort. It will instead be looking at how do I better understand the living out of my illustration of the relationship between Christ and the church. Now, that's been a lot. We've gone over this.

Thoughts? Questions? I just think it's cool, the parallels. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Is it sort of, I don't want to say requirement, or kind of a, are being sanctified? I know Paul talks about not being married. Is it sort of a... Do you know what I'm getting at? I don't want to say requirement, but...

You're talking about 1 Corinthians chapter 7 is probably what you're thinking of, right? Am I correct? You're thinking of 1 Corinthians chapter 7? About it's better not to touch a woman? Are you thinking about that? Yeah. I think so, yeah. We will address that passage directly. Not right away, but we'll get there. Let me just give a quick response to hopefully address the thing you're looking at. First of all, if you look at 1 Corinthians, differently than a lot of the other books that he wrote, that particular one was in response to a bunch of questions they had. If you read through it, you'll notice that they had questions.

As I read through it, I think that it's better not to touch a woman was not Paul's statement, but their questions. He says, and now about it is better not to touch a woman. They had probably written him because think about it Corinth was such a place of rampant immorality. that some of the believers were probably going to the other extreme of saying, you know, even if they're married, I'm going to be celibate. I'm not going to even touch a woman, right? And so some of the guys, in trying to correct the rampant immorality, were going to the other extreme. And what he's saying is, no, that's not quite right either. And so, first of all, it is better not to touch a woman Supposing that is that's the way to fix. We got rampant. So we're going to make it so you're everybody's solid. And you say no, I'm not quite right. He does. He does talk about, you know, considerations in it. And we'll get into some of the details. But but in fact.

What it says is being married or remaining unmarried are both gifts. They are a giftedness and the Lord has a place for both. This is 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and basically the whole chapter deals with those kinds of issues although what we will look at is a portion that applies specifically in a marriage situation. I was just thinking that Christ can minister to us, can sanctify us, can reveal himself in any way. I mean, if someone's not married, it doesn't... It's not...

Well, think about it. What's the greatest reality? The greatest reality is that if you're a believer here today, the Lord is preparing you for that day. It's, I live this day for that day. And if I am a If I am a married believer, it means one thing. If I'm not a married believer, it means another thing. But it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm getting ready this day for that day. The ultimate picture there is, what am I getting ready for? Marriage is a special mode in which to get ready for that day. Regardless of whether a person is married, Understanding these things is valuable because the reality is that eternal relationship between Christ and the Church. Whether you're married or not, that's what counts.

Nancy and I have been married for almost 33 years, and so we have had the privilege for that time to be the living illustration, as the Lord has appointed us, of that eternal relationship between Christ and the Church. But in the end, are we not being prepared this day for that day when we go to be with the Lord, just like the single person would be? We got married at 21, so the first 21 years of each of our lives, we were single. Then we were married. From the day the person becomes a believer, they're betrothed. They're getting ready for that day. We may meet the Lord face-to-face, single or married, and each one is a gift.

Does that help? We'll get into 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and answer in far more detail, but that's for starting. Other thoughts, questions? I'm sure there will be more that pop up. By the way, feel free through the week if you think of things to jot them down to bring or call or email. All of those are certainly available. Knock on our door at 2 a.m., whatever fits. Yeah, we won't like that one. It would be a little rough.

Lord, what a marvelous thing that you have set up from the very beginning. the marriage relationship. You put it in place before the world was tainted by sin. You put it in place in us in the church to illustrate that relationship that we have with you and that eternal romance that will be untainted by sin. Lord, what a tremendous thing you've done. Thank you for paying the bride price for us and for the joy set before you, taking that upon yourself. Thank you in Jesus' name.