Living the mystery, Eph, 5:32-33

Good morning. We're going to move right into Ephesians 5, 32 and 33 here, finishing up chapter 5 of Ephesians. And the pattern goes like this. We've been for four weeks and now we'll be finishing the fifth week of studying through this Ephesians 5 passage on marriage. Next week we'll take a purposeful but definite detour to 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7, and then return back to Ephesians 6 the following week.

Now, this is the passage we've been looking at here, and so we're just going to be touching at the last two. And I want to tell you that I have given this a lot of thought, thinking very carefully about this, okay? And just contemplated, you know, what is the message here? What are we trying to learn from this?

One thing has become very clear to me as I've looked at it studiously and carefully, glasses on, and that is that God's design for marriage is in great contrast, sharp contrast to anything that this world has to offer. Nothing at all like this world would tend to propose. Nothing in the least.

What the Lord intends instead The Lord intends instead to lay out something here, and He has been doing so through Paul's letter. These last two verses, Paul is essentially summarizing the truths that he's brought forth in the previous verses. And he's also, however, making a shift. He's making a change because he's emphasizing some things he previously did not. We'll see that shortly.

We've looked at the four kinds of love. sacrificial, sanctifying, caring, and bonded love in the passage, and we've represented in the past in this way. It is the duty of the husband, as representing Christ in the relationship of Christ and the Church, to display these kinds of love. It's very interesting, we've looked at it repeatedly, the husband is told, and even today's passage will summarize that. It is the husband's responsibility to initiate love.

It is His place. We've also looked last week at this word for joined, proskalo. And this is, it's interesting, this is an intensive form of this gluing, this joining of two pieces of wood. It's used in Acts 11.23 of being joined to the Lord.

And we find here in several passages in the Gospels and now here in Ephesians, a quote of this Genesis 2.24 passage. where we see the husband and wife join together, and we use that because the pros is a prefix which intensifies. We called it a superglue. The Lord intends to join intensively the husband and the wife. This is not a casual joining.

We also saw as we looked at it last week that there are patterns of principle that come out of this passage. We notice a progression from a spiritual emphasis in the relationship to addressing the physical. We noticed a pattern of starting off, not describing how does this relationship begin, but what's it to be like? A pattern of going from being to then saying, here's how it starts. Isn't it interesting? He first tells us how it is to be and then how to begin it.

We also notice something else. There is a pattern here in this passage of first dealing with relationships between the husband and the wife and the Lord, and then dealing with others outside that relationship. So a pattern of shifting from the internal to the external relationships. The guiding relationship that we've seen overall through it is the husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church. We've seen that throughout.

One other principle that we saw come forth this last week was this, that the foundation for the relationship between husband and wife is the energizing of God, the life of Christ through the believer, and the relationship between Christ and the Church as the model. The unconditional love of the husband, we mentioned the four kinds, is based on, founded on, this solid foundation material. Now, I've even had people come up and ask, well, what about romantic love? What about companionship love? Well, those are to be built upon this foundation, this solid foundation.

What does Paul spend his time on? He spends time on the foundation, describing that. The rest is assumed. He says this is what's critical. What our culture often does is takes the top two blocks and forgets the foundation. We made the comparison last week. It's like somebody saying, would you like to come see my house? And all they have is a brand new roof. And so this is the contrast. Paul is saying, here is the solid foundation on which to build a marriage relationship.

As we look at this passage, we'll be dividing it into the two verses, because they divide up nicely that way, starting, as you'd expect, with verse 32. We have this word mystery. You know what that means. Now, we've seen this word before in Ephesians and Colossians, and we want to take this very seriously. Come on now, seriously. When we looked at it before, it went like this.

Just what do you consider a mystery? We want to kind of think about it because we have an idea that comes to our mind, and it may vary from one person to the next. Is it some mysterious shapes? Does that conjure up in your mind the idea of a mystery? Is it a tunnel that gets darker as you get back towards the other end? Is it a puzzle that you have yet to figure out?

Maybe it's a CSI program that you're looking at here, okay? And so it might be one of those, okay? At the time we focused back on Colossians 1, 25 and 27, I want us to take a look at that, and here's the reason. It mentions the word mystery twice, but it also does something else. This word musterion, which is the Greek word there, we want to take a closer look at it.

It comes from the Greek word muo, a verb, which means to shut the mouth, and that's used in Philippians 4, 12. but it was used typically for these mystical truths in the pagan religions, and you were sworn to secrecy if you shared these mystical truths. Penalty of death if you shared what was this deep dark secret. Paul turns that on its head, he says, no, I am telling you something that has been a mystery, unknown from this point, until now I am revealing it. and I will tell everybody who will listen." So it's completely the opposite of the pagan usage of the term.

But he uses it, and he uses it this way in verse 26, saying what it means. That is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations, but now has been manifested to the saints. See that? He defines it. It's that which was mysterious in the past, but is now made plain. Now told to everyone who will hear. So, he gives us the definition.

So, just to make it clear, Mysterion is not a moose staring. It's not a secret moose. It has nothing to do with a moose, and so we'll move on. Now, as we look at this, he says this mystery is great. Now, what this does not mean is it's really, really mysterious. Remember, the meaning of the word mystery is something that is now revealed that was mysterious in the past. unrevealed in the past, now plainly revealed to everyone. He's saying that this truth here that he's sharing in this passage is something that's not been shared before, and in truth, that's what we find. It is a great mystery because it is of immense significance, not because it's very mysterious, but because it has huge implications.

A marriage relationship in our culture is oftentimes looked at as a flip of a coin. Might work, might not. Nancy and I went to one wedding where it didn't last the month out, and it probably was good. But anyway, it didn't last the month out. Often in our culture, it is looked at as a very risky proposition.

What he is saying here is, the implications of Christian marriage are so amazing and so phenomenal, they are huge, great impact, massive significance. It also tells us something that if you are married, or if the Lord is to have you married, that that is not an insignificant thing. This is something that has connections and implications out into eternity. It's a great mystery, not really, really mysterious, but huge significance. God does not intend for marriage to be being stuck in the same rut. The marriage jokes that you see in the sitcoms are not to typify what God has in mind.

He says, but I am speaking here, and this is a combination of words very similar to what Christ used in the Sermon on the Mount. and went like this. As a matter of fact, here's the location. This is where it's believed that he gave the Sermon on the Mount. And he says, you have heard that it was said, and about six times in that one chapter, he says, you've heard that it was said, you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.

Now, this is something he was saying to the Jews, so we need to take it in that context. There was a group called the Essenes. They were a lesser-known group. We're usually used to hearing of the Pharisees and the Sadducees. This was another group that was more reclusive. but they actually had a teaching, you shall hate your enemy. It wasn't something that Pharisees even taught.

But Jesus said, as He did six times in that chapter, but I say to you, that's the Greek phrase that Paul is using here. What is Paul saying that for? He's saying it just like Jesus did. He says, you've heard all these other things, what the world thinks of marriage. You've heard all that. You've had people talk about it. You've heard people discuss it. He says, I want you to know what I'm teaching you is in sharp contrast to that. You've heard this. You've heard that. You've been taught this. You've been taught that. You may have even experienced this or that. But He says, I'm telling you, this is in sharp contrast. This is also something else. This is God's teaching, not man's opinion. Great difference here. with reference to Christ and the Church.

Obviously, he's pointing to Genesis 2.24 that he's just quoted there. It's a key truth.

It has never been thought of in terms of the relationship of Christ and the Church. The connection that Paul has made in this passage is a connection that's never been made before. So, here is this deliberate revelation through Paul It has not been revealed previously, but is now plainly revealed as to what it means, and that is that the relationship of the husband to the wife is as Christ is to the Church. That is a new relationship, as simple as it looks on the screen. That's brand new. Here's this teaching of Christ and the Church. Think about this. Think about this. This is the model, the example.

What is the relationship of Christ and the Church like? when this world has long since passed away, all gone, when this world's heavy burdens are not even a passing thought, when this world's traffic jams and headaches and disappointments are not even a memory, all the things we went, oh no, about, those things, When we've quit wondering why we worried about that problem back there, back then, that had us so distracted and sidetracked. When all that's gone, there will be Christ in the church, eternally. There will be an eternal romance. It will be unhindered by space and by time. There won't be a I gotta go now. There won't be a, I wish I was gone now. None of that.

It'll be a fulfillment. Remember, we keep pointing back to Hebrews 12, 1 and 2, who for the joy set before him endured the cross. This will be a part of it. That's the joy set before him. Christ will say, ah, the church. The ones I paid the bride price for. There won't be any longing for the best things of this world.

As a matter of fact, one of the things I've talked with Nancy about, Nancy and I this fall have been married 32 years, and I have to tell you honestly, I love being married to Nancy. I can't recommend it for anybody else, but I love being married to Nancy.

But the thing is, you know, we wonder, well, what will it be like in heaven? I can't imagine that I'll be looking over at Nancy and saying, boy, I sure wish I was married to Nancy. I think it'll be like this. Every best joy here will be overshadowed. It won't be that I'll be sitting there saying, oh boy, I sure wish I was still married to Nancy. But we will perhaps see each other and say, boy Nancy, look how great the Lord is. Look how marvelous to behold Him. That will capture us. That will occupy us. and we won't be looking at our watches waiting for the next coffee break. Nevertheless, each individual among you is also to love his own wife as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

So what's he doing? He's making a summary statement, isn't he? He's brought up, going back to the original message that he had about the wife's relationship to the husband, and summarizing what he said to the husband several times, you must love your wives, you must love your wives, and here's how, but he just puts it in this one final statement.

A couple of things happen that are different. One is he reverses the order. Remember, he started with the wife and then went to the husband. Now he's going from the husband and flipping back to the subject of the wife. And the other thing, in the past passages, A lot of those were husbands and wives, plural. Here he definitely switches and, matter of fact, uses emphatic words to say each individual one.

And so we'll see about that. They're both single in this case. Now, backward masking may be a puzzle to some of you. In the days of record players, that was a big thing that they talked about. The husband and wife are in reverse order from the way Paul started here.

And so what is he doing? He's been addressing the husband, but wanting to return in subject, he says, well, I've been addressing the husband, so I'll continue to do that, and then we'll reverse back to the wife. And so it's a natural and logical transition that he's doing here.

It's also consistent with another principle, and that is the husband has been told all along in this passage, be the initiator of love, husband. Be the one who initiates love, and so we're going to start with you. It makes good sense. We're going to start with you as we summarize. We're going to point to the husband's need to be loving his wife unconditionally, and that the wife is to respect her husband.

Paul has previously addressed the husbands and wives as a group, and that's been fine. Here he makes sure that nobody's thinking, oh, Paul's just generalizing. I don't really have to love my wife, that's just sort of a broad statement for the group here. No, he gets down to specifics, doesn't he? Each individual one here, no exceptions. One of the things we've got to remember, remember Ephesus, that's the people he's writing to. So far as we have record, they believe in about 50 pagan gods. And in Ephesus, the way it worked was this.

You know, this kind of eclectic idea, mix and match. People do it with furniture and clothing and some things they probably shouldn't. But the mix and match idea was real popular in that culture. You know, hey, I got these seven gods and I've got these other goddesses over here. And just to make sure it all works, I went down to the market and I bought some special magic trinkets and I got those around my neck. And I got this little magic piece of paper. And if I repeat these little seven things here, then that makes this thing work out. you kind of mix and match whatever you want, and each person had their own preference.

And so it was real easy if somebody made a spiritual statement in Ephesus to think, well, that doesn't apply to me. I don't have to do that. And besides that, the pagan gods, none of them cared about morality at all. What you did personally made no difference.

We have a record of even some of the people praying that they might steal better. So he's having to come with a sharp contrast to what the people have seen. And he's now going from the broad generalization, husbands love your wives, he's now grabbing the men by the lapel and saying, you, I mean you, no exception, you must love your wife. Now, that's what he's doing here. It is in such contrast to the culture, such contrasts of the culture that looking for an exception would be exactly what they'd be doing.

And he's saying, no, this applies to every single one. This is a truth for every one of you. Every one of you is to love his wife. Paul is conveying something that was absolute truth, not just his own personal conviction, not like, I'd advise you to do this. This was truth revealed for believers from God. Paul is the instrument, and he spelled it out exactly that way. This is real truth, absolute truth, applies to every single person. He's emphatic about it. As a matter of fact, I looked through the New Testament, tried to find any place where Paul was equally as emphatic. I couldn't find one. As a matter of fact, the English is not as emphatic as the Greek is.

He says, each and every single one of you, he is really pounding the pulpit here, so to speak. He wants them to know, this is every person. He even gets more emphatic, his own wife, singular, and his own. You see, among the men of Ephesus, that wasn't a concern. at least among the pagans, he's saying, as believing Christians, this is to be different.

They're to be quite in contrast. As a matter of fact, our culture encourages very much the way the Ephesian culture was, and that is disregard for the marriage relationship. And he's saying, nope, each husband his own wife. It was even described in some of the pagan literature as a desirable quality for a wife, that she ignore and not say anything about her husband's other affairs. He's saying, absolutely not. That is not a characteristic we're looking for. It does not reflect the life of Christ in the believer.

Even as himself, Paul is expressing briefly what he stated previously about the caring love. It was a matter of a husband widening the natural care that he would have for himself to include his wife. She is included in that circle of care. He described it here with verbs, unconditional love nourishes and cherishes. That circle of care that he has for himself is widened to include her. And the wife, He's turning to address her, continues with a focus on each individual husband and wife, continuing that singular statement there.

The wife's part, interestingly enough, he doesn't come back and say, okay, wives, you've got to love too. He says, the wife should see to it that she respects the husband. Very interesting. Now, it is the response of love of the wife That is her loving response, is that respect for the husband.

I should explain that one of the problems that they had in the culture of the time was because the husband was so otherwise occupied, the wives often resented it but were not allowed to say anything about it. And so they frequently would do a bunch of gossip on the sides and go and kind of chew on each other about the problems they were having. but they just didn't want it to get back to their husbands because that would cause domestic problems. And so there was a lot of kind of internal boiling and roiling over this. And so he's trying to get them to understand, no, there needs to be respect there.

Now, these words must see to it are actually not in the original language, but they are implied. And the reason is this, as Paul did at the very beginning of this passage on marriage, Interestingly enough, where our English translations say, you know, be subject to one another, it actually doesn't say wives submit to your husbands, it's wives to your husbands. This is the same way the wife that she respects her husband is actually what the Greek is saying most concisely. And then this word respects, interestingly, it's the same word that he used in 521, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Now, so she is to have this respect for her husband. Why? It's based on this relationship. The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church. So, the wife's view of the husband is as the church looks to Christ.

Alright. One of the things I'm not saying is that husbands earn that respect uniformly. Many of them do not. Okay? So I'm not saying that every husband is deserving of that respect. That may actually not be the case. So, just so that's clear, that's not the basis on which Paul is making this statement.

Why should the wife respect her husband? You see, the husband's place, his assignment by God is awesome. That's the reason. It's the assignment that he has by God, the place he has by God's appointment, is an amazing assignment. It's not the worthiness of the husband on his own merit. The husband is being charged with living out the character of Christ. That is an awesome responsibility. Christ loves the church unconditionally. That is a huge charge. It's the character of the husband's design role that's awesome.

Now, beyond that, the wife's respect for the husband leaves the husband free to stand before the Lord in this relationship. She is not interfering with that husband's responsibility to the Lord. That husband then stands before the Lord in carrying out that responsibility. and she's not getting in the way. She respects the position that he has and does not try to interfere with it or run around the end of it. Her respect and her prayerful support also is not to be looked at as this is an invitation on her part to be a human doormat. It's a challenge to the husband to live out that unconditional love.

She's saying, okay, there's your place, I will pray for you, I'll support you in it. Go for it. In the Lord's strength, by trust and faith in Him. That's what's being laid out here. Neither the husband or the wife are trying to live as if this visible world is all there is. I think that's key. What this world wants you to do is to say, look, this is all there is, go out and have a marriage. As believers, we're not stuck with that. We're talking about a model for marriage that is way beyond anything this world has to offer. Resources for the marriage that come from God Himself in the very life of Christ.

The wife is subject to a man who is willing to die for her. Does that make it different? Yes. A man who is willing to die for her. Sacrificial love. A man that cares about her spiritually, physically, and is joined to her, displaying the four kinds of love that we talked about here. Now, let's talk about extremes.

See this bridge? Some years ago, I used to jump off this bridge into the water, head first, You can see a bridge, you know, it's above water, it isn't very deep. We learned that as soon as, because you go down head first, as soon as you feel the wetness on your fingertips, you curl your back really hard, really fast, see, and then you'll be okay. Then you come down and you go sideways, see, but you got to do it that way.

Now, if that scares you, don't worry. We weren't really, really crazy. just so you aren't too concerned. We never did any bovine bungee jumping or anything like that, so nothing to worry about here. Okay, now people are into all kinds of extreme things these days and that's a kind of a lot of fun things. There are things that are extreme that are, you know, more well-known, more commonly seen and that's fine. You'll even see situations like this. There's an extremely muddy girl in a jeep. Lots of extremes in our culture. What God has in mind is extreme marriage. God's design for each believing husband and wife is extreme marriage, not this run-of-the-mill, average, ordinary stuff.

Not the stuff that's just the regular stuff you see with everybody else. He wants a marriage that's completely inexplicable. A marriage that people look at it and they either say, man, that's just, I can't believe those people, they're just amazing, or they look at it and they say, boy, that must be like Jesus Christ and the church. A marriage that this world just doesn't understand. A marriage way beyond the bounds of human capacity.

Nothing that this world can even comprehend. These four kinds of love this world just doesn't even know. Extreme love starts with a sacrificial love. It ends with being joined in a way that this world doesn't understand either. This isn't a coin flip, is it? Extreme joining. So, how do you like your love? Wimpy or non-wimpy? See, this world's idea of love is kind of insipid, and the only way it's extreme love is that it's really, really wimpy. This world promises and sings songs about, I'll climb mountains for you, but when it gets tough, then they bail. That's a little steep. I'm going to sit down.

Instead, what the Lord has laid out here is something that doesn't depend on this world's resources. It's a love that has the energizing of the Creator of the universe. That's what Paul's talking about. The life of Christ and the model is the eternal romance between Christ and the Church. That's extreme love. That's amazing love. Let's pray.

Lord, as we look at this, this is certainly beyond our capability. And that's a good thing. Because as we look at this, it is only within yours. And so we look to you. And Lord, we seek even now to depend upon you by faith for these extreme marriages, demonstrating extreme love, love that this world knows nothing of. because they don't know you. We thank you, Lord, for what you have demonstrated your love towards us, and a grace so marvelous it will take eternity for us to be shown it all. We thank you for this in Jesus' name. Amen.