Ephesians - Marriage and Parenting - part 1

All right, we're getting near the end of Ephesians in this kind of synoptic summary of the things we've covered over the last, well, 12, 11 and a half months now. And Roger and I, I just meant to tell you, and I'll tell you publicly, I intend to get that to you before Christmas if that's okay. I'm on the road again at the end of this week and then back on Sunday, but I will, by next Sunday, get that all laid out for you. And feel free to go ahead if I'm too tardy here. How do you do it all? What's that? How do you do it all? By grace.

So I'm off to Paris on Friday and Thursday for three days. So it's a trip I'm not ready for and I don't want to make. We'll just leave it at that. So Paris at Christmas time sounds wonderful, doesn't it? It's another plane trip. All right, Roger and I, this week and next, are going to be splitting marriage and parenting. And I'm going to take on marriage, and he may touch on that some next week, too, and deal more with parenting. Now, what a humbling experience to have to review marriage in one day in this class.

I just personally found that as I kind of looked at what everybody else said about marriage and tried to make it as scriptural as possible, Ultimately, the Spirit leads, and we can all allow the Spirit to lead us with some thoughts and insights from other people. But ultimately, the Scripture is pretty clear on what it says about marriage. What I'm going to try to do today is kind of pose some questions that we're going to try to address. And I speak in part from experience, but in that experience maybe partially a good one and partially not so good in terms of how we learn to be better spouses. But I'm going to challenge the class a little bit with these questions. And we're going to look at kind of a take-home message about what this marriage relationship really looks like. So again, Roger may feel free to build on this next week. And this is just one person's view by Grace as to what this section of Scripture is all about. So our text here today Assuming we can make this operational. Electricity works. You know, if we think about all the inventions of the modern world, we need better batteries, don't we? We're talking about going green. Let's get the, you know, gas out of the cars and have electricity that works, right?

Alright, that's an aside. Alright, so our text today is Ephesians 5, 22 to 33, and I think rather than read this, we all know this fairly well, and I'm going to assume that we don't need to read it. Would anyone like to read this before we kind of approach the questions before us? Just raise your hand, and if we feel like we need to go back and read it, we can. But the passage we studied in detail months ago, and I think most of us have been through this a number of times.

So the first question I'd like to ask today is, what does a Christ-centered marriage look like? And we'll return to all these questions sequentially going forward. And the second question underneath that bullet is, why isn't this a 50-50 relationship? So ponder that here as we pose the additional questions. What's for you women, you wives, what's all this submission stuff? And why don't wives have to love their husbands? I don't have an answer to that one. So we're going to reflect on that scripturally. And for us guys, man, what's this loving your wife as Christ loved the church stuff? How you doing at that? That's the next question. How you doing?

Some of us are married, some of us are not. Some of us have lost spouses, others have not. Some of us have spouses like Frances that are in a difficult circumstance right now where our marriages are not what they once were simply because of illness or separation. Some of us are single. The issue is the passages we can best hopefully today identify some of these questions and the answers going forward.

So what does Christ-centered marriage look like? Let's describe this relationship. Presumably this is the perfect marriage, biblically. Well, you have both parties focused on Christ. That's what a Christ-centered marriage is. Both are focused on Christ as their life. Respect for one another. Okay, respect, focus on Christ. It's also an unconditional kind of love, because if husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church, there is not a condition on that. Christ and the church, he's the head of the church, so unconditionally. we'll build on that, okay?

It's unequivocal and that's true for Tiger Woods' wife too, right? I presume that that marriage is a worldly marriage. The principles of marriage God has given for the entire universe, has he not? I mean, if in fact you're found in Christ and ultimately positioned in him, then this is the quote, law of Christ in terms of marriage. So, but you know this, you know, till death do us part thing, many people who don't know the Lord really are giving those vows, aren't they? Other thoughts to describe a Christ-centered marriage? Christ was the manifestation of God's love to man. Okay, so it's laced with love, right? It's founded in love. Doug?

Talking about 50-50, I think it's more like 100-100. You're looking ahead. Now, a question that, when I was preparing this for the day I came up with, can you think of any New Testament examples of what this Christ-centered marriage looks like? Priscilla Miller. Describe it.

They were working together in the same career field, but they were also working with each other as a married couple. in the process, being able to, well, really, to be blunt, putting up with Paul, he's a newcomer, yet recognizing that he has things to share with them as they all grow in Christ. In the meantime, that they're just continuing doing, plugging on, chopping wood, and basically taking care of business as a married couple. How much detail do we have about that marriage relationship? I thought you were reading between the lines a lot. That's a job. This is an informal atmosphere. But you know, other than for so quick, can you think of another example in the new text?

Yeah, you don't get, as Marilyn said, you don't get to feel when people are mentioned, but you don't necessarily get much information whether they're married or what their married relationship is. You know, I think it's really unique that this relationship is not really portrayed. Why do you think, I mean, Priscilla and Aquila, Tom, you're absolutely correct. That is an example. I kind of discounted it because I didn't see enough of their marriage to really make any judgment about what that marriage relationship was really all about.

Yeah, but... Don't you think a guy you hardly hear anything about has got a lot to do with the president? A pretty good example of this is good old Joseph and Mary. You don't hear much about Joseph, that Joseph there. But what he was confronted with, what she was confronted with, he was confronted with, and how they responded to it.

Okay, that is a New Testament example. I think of Mary and Joseph as Old Testament prophets or saints, but nevertheless, but I'm thinking, you know, after the cross, kind of post, you know, apostolic message. Well, the Annunciation particularly. The Annunciation, the marriage.

Joseph modeled exactly what perfect reaction that a loving husband should have. Okay, both Mary and Joseph responded by faith. Obviously God was central to their marriage relationship. Joseph had kind of a tough task to take on knowing that Mary was pregnant but had nothing to do with it.

This is good. But I think that that's not the marriage founded in Christ. We are new citizens in Christ Jesus. It's still kind of Old Testament truth. The Old Testament I think we can find examples, can't we? Abraham and Sarah among others. I think we can list some in the Old Testament. But the New Testament I think provides minimum amount of example as to what this Christ-centered marriage might look like.

And the question is, why not? Why are we not seeing this more exemplified in Scripture? And, you know, acts and subsequent acts. Is it because the Lord considers us as individuals and we individually have faith and not as a marriage couple? Christ. So it's the individual person that's important. We're called to the truth of position and condition that reflects the position. All right, that's good.

Why else maybe? Guess what I'm thinking, Tom? I'm thinking of codified examples being too much an abundance. If that were so, then people would have wooden marriages. I think you're on the right track in terms of what I'm thinking. If we had examples to look at, we'd be kind of looking at the examples rather than looking at the Lord Jesus Christ. I mean we're always kind of trying to see if I were more like Jane or if I were more like Simon. I mean we keep looking at people but ultimately the focus is on Christ and the church in terms of what the husband's responsibilities are and the wife to be subjected to her husband. We'll get into that in more detail. You okay with that? I think when we focus on, and by the way Let me pause here a second.

The Lord has allowed Paul to be a tremendous man of faith and truth. And Paul says, be imitators of me as I am of Christ. Paul didn't draw the attention to himself. He used himself as an example of a walk by faith. And ultimately, as we look at Paul, we can see inhuman who was in fact saved by grace and walked by faith, what a life in Christ can look like. Ultimately, Paul had his downsides too.

But we're not to be like Paul, we're to look at Paul as imitators of Christ. I think that marriage relationship, if we started seeing this marriage and that marriage, we might try to mirror our walk after those. Also, I was going to say that we all fall short of what Christ had in mind and God had in mind for marriage. And if we had examples, we would see that they fall short, too. Just like Paul said, he was chief among sinners. I mean, he he wasn't perfect either. But if we I think what he wanted us to do was focus on the truth and what the teaching was and not have human examples, because this is this is not a human thing.

This is a God given. It's supernatural. That's exactly right. It's not a human thing. And Doug, that's why it's not a 50-50 relationship, right? Because it's not a human thing. Let's go ahead now. This all begins with position, everybody. Men, women, husbands, wives.

Colossians 1, 21, 22, and you who were once alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now he's reconciled in the body of his flesh through death to present you holy, blameless, and above reproach in his sight. That's where a Christ-centered marriage begins, just seeing who we are in Christ Jesus. And we respond to these positional truths by faith, don't we, in a verse that we all love?

I've been crucified with Christ since no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. Now what I have here bolded in the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith in the Son of God.

Apparently some confusion arose about something I said several weeks ago. Let me try to clarify that when I said that the Christian life is a life not a choice. If we've been crucified and buried before God, ultimately and been created a new man in Christ Jesus, that life is ultimately the Christian life. Now it just doesn't occur as if we plug in a light and turn on the switch. It's an act of faith by which those truths be demonstrated. So when I say it's a life, not a choice, if we're sitting here choosing what's right and wrong, why do we need the cross for that? I mean, in other words, we could be under the legal system and just because, you know, God said thou shalt not covet, we don't, we choose not to covet because in fact, if we do covet, there could be consequences of that. If Adam is crucified, then buried before God, and were created new creatures in Christ Jesus, Christianity is a life, not simply a choice of doing right things.

So that's to clarify. I think this class understands that principle. We have trouble applying it, don't we, by faith, because my faith falls short, and ultimately that life is often not demonstrated. But this is such an important principle, I think, because if in fact we were just making right decisions for right reasons, ultimately, that's ultimately a paralyzing and very defeating kind of scenario.

And it's Galatians 2.21. If we live by the law, Christ died in vain.

Right. So please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not saying let go, let God. It's an act of faith. When I say it's a life, not a choice, it's an act of faith that we've been created anew, and we live by that faith that God is in the process, day in and day out, of creating the new man more fully in Him. And how do we please God? Romans 8, 28, 29, to be conformed to His image. And that's what I mean when I say it's a life.

And by the way, when it's a life, there's a rest. because of the truth of having been crucified with Christ and Colossians 1.22 being made wholly blameless and above reproach in his sight. So back to Christian marriage. Position is where it begins. Yes, Fred.

What would you think of the idea that we choose the life? Choose it by faith. But I'm trying to dispel this from an academic intellectual kind of choice. I think the life is lifted up and encouraged by the power of the spirit in the new man. I like to look at that as a life, not simply choosing to do good things.

We all will. And we can't ignore the fact that we have wills, and often the will is consistent with the life. And I think as that life continually becomes transformed in us, that will becomes more automatically God's will for our life to be conformed in the power of the Spirit to the new man.

Is everybody okay where I'm at here? Hopefully I'm not too far astray here. And by the way, this issue was a very important one a couple years ago around here. And I want to make sure there's no confusion because apparently someone was concerned about my statement here. OK. All right. Now, we were talking about this a little earlier before class started.

So this life, this marital, this Christ-centered marriage that we are aspired to and ultimately challenge to actually have in our marriage relationships is for me to live as Christ and die as Cain. Again, that's a life. For me to live as Christ is that life being lived out. And some of us were reflecting before class started about as we get older this dying as Cain is looking more reality testing to us. And of course that makes the assumption we have another day to live, doesn't it? That's what I remember some evangelist saying in Times Gone By, the fear of death is the false assumption we have many days yet to live, right?

Alright, so let's think about this Christ-centered marriage about leaving expectations behind. I think expectations are entirely sourced in the old man, are they not? I mean, it's a very earth-centered worldview of expectations that I deserve something. And if marriage is a 50-50 deal, we deserve 50% from the other spouse, right?

It's not a matter of, I'm going to do my part, but he or she must do theirs. So I'll tell you, I can't tell you what a sin this is in my own life in terms of expectations where I'm disappointed. It's kind of like William Newell said in Romans 6, to be disappointed with yourself is to have trusted yourself. And by the way, that type of statement also reflects that the Christian life is a life, not a will or a choice.

So when we have expectations that are entirely sourced from the old man, these expectations are law-based. In other words, Roger could say, Vani, look, here's your role in marriage, and if in fact she doesn't live up to that, he's really disappointed because there's some legal system of his expectations that haven't been met.

And how are you doing, Brad? Are you meeting every expectation that April has for you? We need to talk after class. Secondly, it reflects entitlement. I think when we have expectations, that means we deserve something. And we deserve nothing, but by God's grace we have everything. So that's citizenship. That's position of truth.

The next thing is that I think expectations ignores the act of principle of grace portrayed in both the lives of the husband and the wife. By God's grace, we have a Christ-centered marriage. by his grace, by our faith responding to his great grace, we can enter into a relationship that without it would be entirely impossible. Remember what grace is. It's undeserved privilege.

Now ponder the point. Aren't misplaced expectations that are centered in yourself the root of most, if not all, marital strife? Think about that. People okay with that as a concept? I think so. Think about disagreements you've had, or times when marriage has been difficult, or when strife has really been the center of your relationship, if ever. I hope not, but at times we all, I think, reach this point. It's being disappointed, isn't it? There are expectations that have not been met. So this is the foundation of Christ-centered marriage is ultimately having your expectations be zero and ultimately responding to the grace God's given us positionally to live this life.

But back to Ephesians 4. I love this verse because this deals with the whole walk in the new man versus the old. But you have not so learned Christ. That's the issue. You're talking about all these lusts of the flesh, etc. that the church in Ephesus is going through. And the conclusion is, they haven't learned Christ.

And if indeed you've heard him and have been taught by him as the truthfulness of Jesus, that you put off concerning your former conduct the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lust of... Now, apparently there was some concern about something else I said a couple of weeks ago.

So let me see if we can't deal with that here. I said the old man is dead. The old man before God is crucified, dead, and separated. The old man or the sin nature still exists in all of us. Okay, I'm not a one-naturist. I never have taught one-naturism and will never teach one-naturism. The old man has been crucified and before God is dead and separated. The Adam nature has no power before our Heavenly Father. None. because he's been crucified as we have been crucified in him.

Now, I understand, at least from teaching of somebody in this group, that ultimately the old man is a term we shouldn't be using once we in fact have been in fact crucified. That it's the sin nature that is an exemplification of the old man that plays out the old man's role. I still am comfortable identifying the old man for what he really is. He's the source of my flesh, my sin, and he plays out constantly. So the old man is not dead in us.

We're to reckon ourselves to be dead to the old man, because that's how God sees us. He sees us as crucified in Adam. And that is critically important, because if we don't see the sin nature as being crucified before God, God's got more work to do. I mean, our salvation can never be as certain and as clear. Yeah. Well, that goes with the whole death as separation idea, more than just obliteration. Right. We're not separated from the old man because he still exists within each and every one of us. But before God, there's a rest and a peace because Adam's been crucified. And being crucified is dead before God. Our sins have been forgiven. Our sin nature has been dealt with.

And by the way, Hebrews 2.14, Satan has been eternally punished by the cross. So when I say here, and again, make sure, I think the class understands this, but again, someone has called attention to this last time that I felt that what I was teaching was a one-nature-ism. I am not teaching a one-nature-ism. The old man is alive and well in all of us. Before God, he's been crucified.

Are we all okay with that? So, When we haven't learned Christ, that Christ-centered marriage ultimately is going to fall short of what God's called it to. By the way, because we have this old man, sinful nature, that marriage relationship is never going to be perfect as we would like it to be, because we all have the sin nature still. And unfortunately, we all still have expectations. And whenever we have expectations, sometimes they're going to fall short. And that's the earthly existence, isn't it? And the power of the old man and the sin nature.

Moreover, back to Doug, are not expectations the basis of the 50-50 marriage view? They really are, because when we think, well, she's going to give her half and I'll do mine, or he's going to give his half and I'll do mine, ultimately that other half you're counting on somebody else to live up to their promise. Consider this in your own marriage relationship. I mean, I, you know, I fail Margaret constantly, but when I'm, you know, upset or disappointed, it's always because I thought I deserved something that I really didn't deserve. And this is important, I think, in building a marriage that's ultimately well-founded in biblical truth.

So why does this 50-50 relationship fail? I just, I think we just answered that question. So what is a Christ-centered marriage? It's a 100-100 relationship where our relationship becomes consistent with our position. Nice by faith, often in reality it doesn't occur, does it? But marriage, a Christ-centered marriage is a 100-100 relationship. She gives 100% with no expectations, and he gives 100% with no expectations, and that's Christ-centered. Because Christ came to do a task with no expectation that people would respond to who he was or what he was there to do. That takes away who determines what the 50% is. That's right. Let's draw the line here. These are your jobs. I'm doing my part. No, you're not.

So now we're going to change this a little bit and be renewed in the spirit of your mind that you put on the new man which is created according to God in true righteousness and holiness. Again, this is in Ephesians 4 that follows the old man. Why are you living in lusts and earthly goals and worldly views when in fact the new man takes you down a whole different path?

And so that's the call to a Christ-centered marriage. Alright, we're going to talk about the wives now over the next 10 or 15 minutes, and then we're going to spend one minute on the husband. Alright, so this verb of submission, and we didn't read the text, but we can kind of look at that.

Let's turn to Ephesians 5.22.

It says, Submit yourselves unto your own preferences unto the Lord. And just to remind you, in verses 18 through 21 we see, be not drunk with wine, be filled with the Spirit, speak to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, giving thanks always for all things in the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submitting yourself to one another in the fear of God. This submitting is the same term as submitting yourself to the fear of God as women's wives submitting themselves to their husband. Now, the verb is present tense. That means right now women's wives submit. Middle means that you're part of this active role in participating in this activity. And imperative means No choice, it's a life. Back to the life versus choice again.

It was fun for me to kind of drill down on this a little bit. This word is a Greek military word meaning to arrange, i.e. for troops and making decisions for troops in a military fashion under the command of a leader. Submitting is kind of like, this is what the general tells the second lieutenant to tell, the sergeant to tell the private, the whole rank. the admonition of a command ultimately being responded to. In a non-military use of the Greek, it was a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating and assuming responsibility and carrying a burden. Now the burden can be looked at as positive or negative. But in a voluntary sense, this is a spirit of cooperation, is what it is.

It's not, he said this and I gotta do this because he said it. I mean, first of all, men are in a wrong position there if that's their expectation. And remember, that's an expectation. And that's not the Christ-centered marriage. So that support or respect may best describe this human relationship. So support your husband or respect your husband. I think that falls a little short because the second part of the verse says, as unto the Lord. I mean, do we respect the Lord? Yeah, kind of. Do we support the Lord?

Yeah, I mean, I think this translation is a little weaker than ultimately submit. And I'm not thinking submit in a negative sense. Yeah, go ahead. but the middle one, when the middle is there, it's my understanding in the Greek, that's for your own benefit.

Yes. I mean, you probably said that when I was looking. No, no, you furthered that. That's correct. I meant to say that. That's really wonderful. I mean, you think, well, why should I, besides the will, there's a beneficial aspect to that. Yeah, thanks for clarifying that. That was really what I intended to say.

I think it's that you're an active participant, but you're right, it's for your own benefit. Right. Yeah, so that you benefit from it. Good. Thanks for bringing that up. Alright, so why? Why has God asked wives to submit themselves to their husbands? Well, that's because the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church. Right?

So that's the only explanation we can find. But that's what the scripture says. So we're going to kind of look and see what that role looks like and that doesn't make it conditional. So if the husband's not living up to that role, that means she has an out. That's not what scripture says. So this is simply the explanation that scripture gives. There's no other explanation that I can find.

So let's think about translating this for wives, and this is, I must admit, a bit subjective, but we're trying to think about the synopsis that we're giving here on marriage and parenting next week is kind of being a take-home message as to how to look at this applied to a day-to-day existence.

I think it begins spiritually and that's for women to encourage or wives to encourage leadership in their husbands, spiritual leadership. If you think about the garden, there's a good principle there. Why did Eve choose the tree? Adam let her down, didn't he? he did not assume the appropriate role that God had for him and she kinda went out on her own and took a leadership role in making the decision.

That doesn't mean women are doormats and simply wives are doormats and simply need to respond to every demand that her husband makes. It's just that I think men need to be encouraged by their wives to be spiritual leaders in their family. Roger? This is not necessarily just an observation of our world system today. It seems like When that isn't the case, even in Christianity, women will tend to be the leader over the husband.

And while that might seem good, women say, well, I had to do it because my husband didn't act. That's really not God's plan. And it causes difficulty. And God's plan is for the husband, even though he may not be the best, to be in that role. And when it gets reversed, a lot of that in today's world. Well, women are of the nature that they will take hold if the man is weak and unwilling. That goes along with what Vern says and Randy has quoted.

God puts us in a role not because we're good at it, but because he wants us to do it. Husbands don't have to be good husbands in order for God to choose them for that role. Wives don't have to be good at submitting. God has chosen that that's the role that they play regardless of their aptitude for it. And from a human perspective, we tend to think that, well, my husband's not a good leader, I need to take that, or my wife's not a good submitter, I need to do so.

I mean, we look at it from a human ability standpoint. But from a day-to-day perspective, I think just reminding women, it doesn't take a lot on their part just to lift up your husband a little bit and encourage him down that pathway. It doesn't have to be a threat or a demand. It simply means encouragement. to have him assume more of the responsibility he needs to assume in terms of assuming a spiritual leadership in the relationship and in the family. Get your act together, men. I mean, I think that's written between the lines. We fall short. And because we fall short, our wives are only too willing to step in. And this is really our failure.

I look at the garden as Adam's problem, even though Eve made the first decision. I mean, Adam fell short of what God had called him to be. And in a sense, if you think of the way God has created the church, the body of Christ, with men in that leadership position, it really reflects garden-type activities, doesn't it? I mean, Adam let God down there, and Eve stepped forward and created what's followed, and now I think increasingly we see how that plays out in today's world.

So men fall short and really are weak and inadequate in this role. But I think the message to the women, from my perspective, in terms of day-to-day activities, is to encourage your husbands along this path. And that's really helpful. verbally compliments. I don't know, most guys around this round, your wife compliments, anybody compliments you. We got a big ego and we're uplifted by that. I think just practically speaking, wives who compliment their husbands on things they do that are right or you can even compliment them on something they didn't do right is a constructive kind of mechanism.

I think lifting up your husband, not only spiritually but also by acknowledging who he is and what he has done that's correct around the home. Intellectually, I think most guys like to problem-solve a little bit, and so I think when wives ultimately appeal to their husbands' insight and wisdom on an issue, again, it's maybe an ego trip, but I think it is a day-to-day activity on the part of wives that ultimately can be satisfying to their husbands. Then finally I have physically and that's just not intimacy which I think is important and this I think sometimes is ignored but it's what you can do in a day to day life to make his life easier for him. And so this is really an active submission ultimately to your benefit because as his life is made easier, Ultimately, that relationship is created at a higher level.

Now that doesn't mean he has expectations that you're going to do this. It's just the things you can do as wives to, I think, spiritually, physically, intellectually, and physically modify the existence of your spouse to really lift him up and encourage him. Yeah, Wayne.

I was reminded of Lisa Malloy's wedding. She had gone over Hal's notes for the marriage ceremony and she said, He says submit, and there are 27 times. And I may have stopped short here, and I may have kind of misrepresented this, but I'm trying to be practical and really encourage wives in the spirit to really think about ways on a day-to-day basis that is spirit-led and Christ-centered that ultimately can make your marriage more fulfilled. You know, and I remember too, when Kristen and Wade got married, Kristen and Wade talked to Hal quite a bit about the marriage ceremony and the word submit that was in the ceremony, because there were a lot of people at that wedding that were not believers, who were in science, because that's what Kristen and Bob both do, science. And so Hal was really able to portray that as not this, the word submission in our culture has a whole different meaning than what the Lord intended here.

And I think that's where people get hung up on this word is that it's not women are not doormats. That's not what it is. It's a complimentary role to their husband. And I think what you said is correct. The support, the uplifting Because I think men, especially in the workplace, get frustrated and stressed out and beat down. And women do too in the workplace. But I think women have a different psyche than men. in dealing with those things. I think they just do.

Well, the neat thing about Margaret, and I'll just be very transparent about this. I mean, she was in a man's workplace for many, many years, and she chose a life that is very different and actually is a wonderful life. And I see all these things being played out on a day-to-day basis.

Could you add another word to that? How about support? Well, I use the term support above, and I think support is a good term, but I'm just saying as under the Lord, when the wife is called as under the Lord, just supporting the Lord is kind of a weak interpretation. But support is good, I think, in the marital relationship, but I think it stops a little short in terms of as under the Lord. were there to support the Lord. I just seemed a little weak. But I think in terms of marriage relationship, in fact, many of the things that I listed here are simply her playing out her role in faith by supporting her husband, lifting him up.

So I think it applies. So why didn't the Lord ask the wife to love her husband? And as I said earlier before we got going here, I don't have an answer to this. I have an answer. Yes. My answer is, because when the wife supports the husband and allows the husband to perform his job, which is head of the household spiritually, as well as being the leader in the family, the husband then is allowed to then love the wife unconditionally, and when he loves her, It is amazing how she can love him. But that sounds kind of conditional to me.

It's not a condition, but it's just the way women are made. When the men take their role and do what the Lord has intended for them and love the wife unconditionally, she will love him back. Good point here, but she says she loves you. It's just the way women are made, the way the Lord made us, I think. When you think about it, when you think of Christ and the church, we love him because he first loved us. We're going there to good. So Margaret, I think that there's not a clear answer, but I think that that's a good reflection on that question.

But you find it kind of interesting, don't you, that the wife is not told to love her husband, but she's to submit. So if the husband is in a perfect relationship as Christ is to his church, then that love becomes kind of automatic, doesn't it? I mean, that's the wrong term, but at least her faith is more capable of responding to lift him up and be the kind of submissive support that is requested biblically.

I think it's interesting that The role of the husband is to be the leader. And it's easier for us to lead if we have a submissive, supportive wife. So the command to the wife is to help what the husband's greatest needed. I think from a biblical standpoint, the wife is to love her husband. And so God's command to the husband is love your wife. And then you have the be better able to love us as we love them. So it's interesting that the command that God gives to each spouse is ultimately for both benefit, but it seems like it's directly related to the greatest need of your partner, your spouse.

Well, yeah, and in fact, we're going to switch genders here right now. In fact, that's a good lead in. So let's go ahead. Nan, what's this love in your wife? Is Christ's love with the church stuff? I mean, that's something else, isn't it? And so let's look at this fairly quickly now because the time is getting on here.

And Christ, of course, engaged himself forward, which is in the text. So that's kind of a sacrificial love, isn't it? I mean, Christ's love for us was sacrificial. He left the throne. came and lived in this earthly existence for 33 years or whatever and ultimately paid the ultimate price for responding to God's need for human sacrifice to pay for all sin, for all time, for all of us. Okay, so sacrificial. So that love of Christ for the church, which in fact is the cross message portrayed in today's age, in fact, is the kind of love we have for our wife. Now, that doesn't mean we're going to, you know, commit suicide out of love. We could give ourselves, I mean, so she can get the life insurance policy. Okay, this is not what we're talking about.

We're talking about a day-to-day existence that really affects us. And the second issue here in Ephesians 5 is sanctifying or setting her apart. So it's a sanctifying kind of love. And so let's see how that's played out. It's not about us, guys. It's about her. And that's where the focus is. It's making her complete. The goal is to build her up to bring about God's purpose in her. It's not about us.

Again, no entitlement, no expectations. 1 Peter 3 says, Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as the weaker partners, and show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life. In this way, nothing will hinder your prayers. Goodness, that suggests that if in fact we're not having that Christ-centered view of our spouse, and not in fact responding by faith as Christ loved his church, that ultimately maybe our prayers are being hindered.

Now I'm not going to try to be overly legal there. Because we all communicate with God day in and day out and have freedom in the spirit to do so. But, you know, this is in the text for some reason and in fact maybe it's time to self-examine a little bit in terms of whether this might be an impediment to the answer to prayer. Again, I don't want to legally interpret that so much, but yet it's still in the scripture and we have to look and see what it says. Yes, Brett.

Because then I just wind up praying all day about her. So that's the way it hinders my prayers when I'm being a jerk. I wind up spending all my time in prayer. pray for their own things. Lord, why won't you fix April? And now my prayers are hindered because I'm being a jerk. Yeah, in a sense that selfish prayer about April changing is really a self-serving prayer anyway, right? And I think when we pray in our will and not God's will, ultimately those prayers are hindered.

God hears them, but he says, look, Ethel, you fool, get the old man out of here. He's no longer part of this whole deal. In other words, know her. What she needs, wherein she excels and perhaps doesn't excel, help her promote her talents and ultimately develop them. I mean, I think it's all about her. It's not about you. It's all about her. and we should love our lives interesting in scripture as we love ourselves. Now, boy, I thought that's kind of interesting here, because we think about that, and again, this all begins with position, doesn't it?

For no one ever hated his own place, it says in Ephesians 5.9, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. And by the way, just reminding everybody, we can turn to Ephesians 2 if you want, we can turn to lots of other passages in scripture, And there's no value in the old man, said nature, or flesh.

But what I say is, but we still loved ourselves anyway, didn't we? I mean, even before we were saved, we loved ourselves. And now in the new man, we look at ourselves, and all I can say is, brack! You know? I mean, so my love of myself now is a positional love. because God sees me in Christ and by his great grace and by faith I see myself newly created in him and my love for myself is really a transposition of my love for God because of his great grace. So when we think of ourselves in Adam, Adam always thinks about himself, right? The old man is perfectly comfortable with yourself but now this view I think of loving ourselves really positionally is a love for who we are in Christ Jesus and we're risen and seated And we love Alan because he first loved us. So that love of our wife is really reflecting his love through us because we didn't love first and then Christ loved us.

It occurred in the exactly opposite manner. Ephesians 5.30 and the other kind of condition for this marriage relationship, "...and leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and they shall be one flesh."

I don't know about you guys, this certainly could be a bigger problem sooner after you're married than later. I mean I was very guilty, of course I wasn't in the Lord, I wasn't saved at this point, but my mother had great demands on my time. I was in medical school, my first wife was very against this kind of frequent communication. This created tremendous strife in my marriage and ultimately had major, major impact on her relationship to my mother and ultimately my mother's ultimate death. I say that it was not a direct cause of her death but certainly related to her dying mode and ultimately what occurred in relationship to that.

This leaving your father and mother is something we're commanded to do scripturally. And I think a Christ-centered marital relationship is breaking those ties with mom and dad and ultimately becoming one flesh with your wife. And that doesn't mean you don't maintain a wonderful relationship with your parents. It just means it's time to sever that kind of maternal and paternal relationship and move on to be one with your spouse. And just as for wives, how does this translate, you guys, into a day-to-day activity?

Number one, earn respect. And earning respect is meaning learning Christ and leading spiritually. It's really a day-to-day thing we need to be thinking about. As we reflect more about who Christ is in our lives, she has more respect for you and is more willing to submit in a biblical sense.

She really needs this. And I think men fall tremendously short here, and I don't speak that I've got this conquered for sure. Sacrifice, it's not about us, it's about her. setting her apart as Christ in his church. Your wife is very special to you. She needs to be protected from all harm and wrong deed as much as you possibly do. That doesn't mean, again, that you put her in a closet and lock her there. I mean, you understand what I mean. Your wife is critically, critically important, and that's not jealousy. It's just lifting her up and saying, you need to be protected spiritually and in every other way possible.

Financially, to some extent, she doesn't want to know where the next meal is coming from. Men, of course, we're challenged to have jobs and provide for our families. That's all scripture. Does she feel special? Does she feel lifted up? Is she encouraged in her relationship with you? My question to us married men is, how are you doing here? Is this something we need to work on? Oh, my goodness. If we do, what's the source? What's the principle and is it possible?

My trying harder to be a better husband only makes me realize that I fail more when I'm really relying on my old man to carry out these activities because they're always tainted with expectations and ultimately those can only be used to disappoint me.

Now the final kind of take-home message and what I've done by whatever power this is, I hope it's the Spirit of God, I've tried to kind of take this whole area of marriage and capsule it and put it in a kind of a day-to-day application for each and everyone here. But for both wives and husbands, this application is equally as capable in terms of its application to marriage as it is to life in general.

Philippians 2, 1-5, Therefore, if there is any consolation in Christ, by the way, that consolation could be encouragement or being lifted up. If any comfort or love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. In bold, let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Principle of a Christ-centered marriage, right? Any other thoughts, questions before we close? I've never planned it so perfectly. Roger, why don't you close us first?

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you, Lord, for our time. We thank you for the blessings we have in our Savior. We thank you for the marriages you've given us and our spouses, Lord. We thank you that we can trust you in all things. We ask this in your name. Amen.

And just think of those who are single. Paul has said you've been called to a higher level of service, right? Because you don't have to Think about this other person that you need to be ultimately so concerned about. In many ways, the single life, I think, is a higher calling. And praise God for it. So those of us of marriage got to be thinking about this day in and day out. But it's the power of the spirit that ultimately allows this to happen. So have a good week, everybody.