The Book of Hebrews- Hebrews 13:4 Marriage to be held in honor

Good morning. We're going to proceed with this one verse, and it sounds simple, but actually we've got a lot of ground to cover. We're going to be going a lot of different directions here to cover what's in this verse. So starting with Hebrews 13.4, marriage is to be held in honor among all. Let's take a look at that part. Literally, it's honorable the marriage in all. And the way that the Greek language of the New Testament emphasizes things is to pull the word to the front. And so that's why I put the underline in there, honorable the marriage in all. It's emphasized honorable. That's the way the Greek puts it.

Marriage was, of course, originated by God himself. It was established before mankind fell into sin. in and through Adam, so marriage is not a sin. It was established by God. Marriage is an arrangement for earthly times, but it pictures the eternal romance of Christ and the Church. Marriage is an arrangement for earthly times. Even male and female is an arrangement for earthly times.

In these ways, marriage is made from heaven at the beginning, We see that particularly pointed to in Genesis 2.24. And now marriage serves as a living illustration, it's illustration now, of the romance in heaven, the eternal romance of Christ and his bride, the Church. That is why it must be held in honor, established by God when the earth was young, and now a living picture of the eternal romance of Christ in the church. It's one of the reasons why I get excited every day for the opportunity the Lord gives Nancy and I to live out each day the eternal romance of Christ in the church, to be a living picture.

This was written, of course, to Hebrews, Jews, They were Jews who were living among the pagans. Two-thirds of the Jews in New Testament times lived outside of Israel, and those on the eastern part of the Roman Empire were strongly influenced by Greek culture and language.

The pagan culture did have a lot of influence, and a primary example, here's Timothy. The Apostle Paul selects and appoints Timothy on his second missionary journey. He was an example of pagan influence among the Jews. This is a marriage that should not have happened, that is, to have a Greek father and a Jewish mother. Paul, in order to have Timothy be accepted as a Jew among the Jews, circumcised Timothy, because he had not been circumcised before. Apparently his Greek father didn't care to acknowledge that part of his ancestry. And so Timothy himself would be an example of a mixture of both Jewish and Greek pagan influence there.

The pagan culture, very interestingly, required wives to be faithful to their husbands, but not husbands to their wives. Very biased and chauvinistic, don't you think? But that's the way it was in the culture of the time. Men were not typically celibate before marriage, so being faithful before marriage and being faithful during a marriage was not required on the man's part, only the woman's part, only the wife.

And so it's in that context that this verse is written, because these Hebrews were subject to a lot of pagan influence. So to bring them back to a biblical understanding, was exactly what the author was looking to do here. Jewish people in Gentile lands were often influenced by the pagan culture. They needed to be reminded of what was biblical, because the pagan culture was not going to point them in that direction.

As an indication of how far we have come in our culture, Here's 1914, right? So this is a century ago. Nancy's maternal grandparents' wedding certificate, which currently looks like it's a guy with spectacles on and a flat smile, right? But let's look a little closer to some of these parts here. And when you look at it, those things that look like spectacles are actually ovals with scripture verse quotes in it from Ephesians and Matthew. So this is on a public marriage certificate.

On the bottom of that has the very verse that we're studying, Hebrews 13.4, marriage is honorable in all. And then several other scripture quotes given at the bottom of that. And that was a public marriage certificate from a century ago.

Now, we've come so far that going and getting a marriage certificate or a wedding license is a lot like just going to the DMV. That's the way it is, unfortunately. It's really true. All this biblical significance has been washed away in our culture. Here is her paternal grandparents' marriage certificate from 1921. They were united in holy matrimony, and in the bottom of there, more scripture quotes.

So in the last century, we've come a long way, right? And it's actually not been a great one. Honoring marriage increasingly is not going to come from the world. The tendency in our own culture has been to show less and less honor for marriage. So we're getting pulled the way the Greeks and Romans were. That's the direction we're headed.

Marriage is often the target of comedy punchlines. Living together or entirely outside of marriage is the case in about two-thirds of relationships now. Open marriage, which is no marriage at all. Gay marriage has actually been now legally enforced. Those have all dishonored biblical marriage in our own culture. So our own culture is headed towards the Greeks and the Romans in great part or worse.

Increasingly, it's clear. We have to be very deliberate about going to the Word of God to see what marriage is. That's one reason for singing that song, I don't care what the world may say. We need to deliberately, as Christians, focus on what does God's Word say, because the world has not a clue and is not going to give us the right message. Now, it says, among all. Within the body of Christ, marriage is to be honored among all.

It's everyone related to the bride and groom, the friends of the bride and groom, the bride and groom among themselves. One of the difficulties that we run into in trying to pull together wedding ceremonies and things of that sort is that frequently you'll have people, even Christians, who don't understand what it is we're trying to do here. even bridesmaids and groomsmen who think it's time for one last fling or some crazy notion like that, instead of supporting a Christian marriage. So there is a need at times to address that in extended family and get people to understand what does it mean to have a biblical marriage.

So it can't be assumed anymore. It needs to be explicitly taught. The bride and groom among themselves, between themselves, need to understand that before they step into the marriage. There are lots and lots of things here to address, but we cannot assume in our culture anymore that we're going to have understanding among everybody in the extended family.

Marriage ought to be honored by all in the body of Christ as something God established from the beginning way back in the garden before men fell when the earth was young. And it's an illustration of the romance between Christ and the church that will never end. As we put it, the eternal romance of Christ and the church. We live day by day. In marriage, we live out an illustration of that eternal romance of Christ in the church.

Now, we'll look at some key passages very quickly. We won't take the time, we could actually spend months on this, but key passages very quickly. Ephesians 5 is a very important passage, but I want to point out that it's frequently misunderstood partly because our Bibles are broken up in such a way that it makes it easy to misunderstand. Ephesians 5 first talks about wives later on there in verse 22, but actually the start of the sentence is in verse 18. Paul writes to the believers at Ephesus and he says, do not get drunk with wine, so there's an imperative, not this, for that is dissipation. But, and this word but is a strong contrast, but in strong contrast, be filled with the Spirit. Five verbs come as a result of being filled with the Spirit.

Speaking to one another in Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Singing, second verb, and making melody in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks, fourth verb, for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and being subject. Be subject is not a command, as the English would often imply. And being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Being subject to is a result of being filled with the Spirit.

So, one of the things that points to, if the wife is having difficulty submitting, the answer is not to pressure her to submit. The answer is to take her back. to the command to be filled with the Spirit. Because it goes on from there, wives to your own husbands, wives submitting to your own husbands as to the Lord, nevertheless, in verse 33, each man among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife, implied, must see to it that she respects her husband. Now that's what's directed to the wife. It starts with be filled with the Spirit. Now, a key relation that comes out of this passage, starting at verse 23 and going into verse 32, is the husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church. The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church. That's used throughout the passage as a key way of getting the lessons across.

And you have this breaking down the four kinds of love that are shown in that passage. is sacrificial love. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. Sacrificial love. Based on what? Christ having given himself up for the church. So the husband is to begin with sacrificial love. I would die for you kind of love. That's the start. Christ's life is the bride price that Jesus paid. gave himself up for us.

He loved and he gave, in Galatians 2.20, in Ephesians 5.2, he loved and he gave, and here in 5.25, he loved and he gave. Is there any question? He loved and he gave. Sacrificial love motivated by love, that's the loved and gave, and by joy. For the joy set before him, we saw in Hebrews 12, 2. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross. The next is sanctifying love.

It's a spiritual care kind of love. And this is spiritual intimacy. The way I often present it is that the husband needs to find out what the wife's spiritual frontier is and then be her frontiersman. He needs to find out what the wife's spiritual frontier is and then be her frontiersman. Being God's instrument for spiritual leading and growth in her life and therefore initiating spiritual intimacy. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

This next part is a caring love. Emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy. And by the way, these first three kinds of love can be expressed before the marriage. One of the things we point out in the singles seminars is that the man's expression of these first three kinds of love and her response to those expressions tells you whether the relationship ought to proceed further.

That's a biblical measure. Should this go to marriage? These first three kinds of love are the indicators. Does he know how to express it? Does she know how to respond to it? Then, after those first three kinds of love is the last one, bonded love, physical intimacy. That's the intimacy that's being spoken of here in Hebrews 13. the physical intimacy.

For this reason, now quoting Genesis 2.24, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is great does not mean this is really, really mysterious. Remember, the word mystery in the Bible doesn't mean something that's really mysterious, it means something that was previously not revealed but now is revealed. So what he's telling you is this is a really great revelation that has not ever been revealed before. That's what that means. It's really mysterious. That word mystery, the Greek word mysterion, you've heard it before, I think.

We're going to turn to 1 Peter 3.7 here. This is another critical and key passage.

You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. Now, understanding her personally and what God's Word says about the marriage relationship. That's what it means. Live with her in an understanding way. Understanding her personally. So be a student of your wife, guys. And understanding God's Word. Be a student of the Word. What does the Bible say about the marriage relationship?

Those are the two things. Now, you might have noticed that men and women are different. There's the man. There's the woman. A little more complex. Now, I have good news for you guys. You don't need to understand all women. This is the Cliff Notes version, by the way. You don't need to understand all women. You just need to understand one. Just one.

So that's good news. Understanding her personally and what God's Word says about the marriage relationship. Now, it says, as with someone weaker, does that mean that she'd probably lose an arm wrestling competition with you? I don't think so. I think he's pointing out something else.

As a woman, she has unique vulnerabilities. She has varying hormones during several decades of her life that are going up and down and putting her at different places and tensions. Once she becomes pregnant, the whole hormonal cycle thing goes out the window. She's got another set of hormones that start kicking in, right?

And so there's that. Now, once the baby is born, she has an emotional connection to that child that lasts for the rest of her life. And us guys don't have that same thing. We love our kids, don't get me wrong. But she's got a connection and a vulnerability with that child for the rest of her days. She's thinking about, you know, how's this one doing and where's this one? She's thinking about them. She has unique vulnerabilities. That's what it's talking about. So what do you do with that? I've known some guys to try to take advantage of those vulnerabilities. But the Word of God has a different direction. Show her honor. Why?

Even though she has a different earthly role, her heavenly position in Christ is exactly the same as his. Has he been identified with Christ in his death, burial, resurrection, ascension, and seeding? Yep. Has she been identified with Christ in his death, burial, resurrection, ascension, and seeding? Yes. Is she indwelt by the Spirit and indwelt by Christ? Yes. Is he? Yes. The spiritual position of the Christian wife is exactly the same as the spiritual position of the Christian husband.

Show her honor. Honor that, is what Peter says. Don't ridicule, take advantage of her vulnerabilities. Show her honor. As a fellow heir of the grace of life, Now it says so that your prayers will not be hindered. I don't think that's necessarily a threat, like your prayers are going to bounce off the floorboards of heaven. I think what it means is the guy who doesn't understand this will not have prayers worth listening to. The guy who doesn't understand this will not have prayers worth listening to.

Now let's go to the middle part of Hebrews 13.4.

And the marriage bed is to be undefiled. Let's take a look at that. This is referring to physical intimacy in marriage and it means several different things. One, physical intimacy is the completing expression of the four loves given in Ephesians 5, 25-32. Notice it's the last one. The first three kinds of love must be expressed for physical intimacy to have its fulfillment and purpose and frankly to make any sense to her. The first three kinds of love have to be shown in order for the fourth to make any sense to her.

Physical intimacy is between a husband and wife in marriage. Period. That's it. Physical intimacy expresses love mutually, and this is a key thing. It needs to express love mutually, and that gives guidance to married couples. Lastly, abstention from physical intimacy has specific qualifications in scripture.

Let me point to what I'm talking about. 1 Corinthians 7, 1-3, and I'm going to, for the sake of covering things, go from 3 to verse 5. Now this is the new American standard, but I've done some punctuation in the first verse that I think will help. people understand it. Now concerning the things about which you wrote, in 1 Corinthians Paul alternated between the things that they wrote about and what was told verbally. This case is returning to the things that the Corinthians had written about and one of the things the Corinthians had had question about is some of them among them were saying it's good for a man not to touch a woman.

This in verse 2, but, a strong contrast, because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, each woman is to have her own husband, the husband must fulfill the duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. In the larger context, one of the things that we pick up on is that Paul refers to, as does Jesus, a gift of singleness and a gift of marriage. So this is not commanding you, you must be married. But in terms of the temptations, that's a critical point.

Now, let's go on to verse 5. Stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So, let's look at this. Stop depriving one another.

That fact is that Paul is telling the husbands and wives not to be depriving one another It strongly implies that they had been doing just that, or at least some of them had been doing exactly that. The Greek word that's translated here in verse 5 as depriving is the same word used earlier, previous chapter, that meant damages that might be worthy of going to court. So the depriving is not a minor item. Spouses denying mutual fulfillment and serving one another is like fraud. swindling and cheating. So he speaks pretty strongly here.

Now, the exceptions. If denying mutual fulfillment and serving one another is seen on general principle as defrauding, then it makes sense that any exception would be a special case. And he does allow for that. Let's take a look at it. There are three points that he makes. Provides the conditions for the special case where a married couple can abstain. One, by mutual agreement. This isn't a one person decides kind of thing. Mutual agreement for a time, and notice it's not an endless thing, for a time.

And he gives what I believe is an example, a good and valid purpose. He talks about devoting oneself to prayer for a time. It might be other things like, I'm out of town. You know, I'm sick and I might be, you know, good and valid reasons like that. I think he gives that as an example of devoting oneself to a prayer for a time.

So it has these three things, by mutual agreement, for a time, for a good and valid purpose. Those are the three exceptions given by the Apostle Paul. Now, the Apostle Paul elsewhere, 1 Timothy 4, 1 through 5, talks about abstention from marriage. But the Spirit explicitly says that in latter times some will fall away from the faith paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons.

Oh boy! Can you imagine doctrines of demons? This is some pretty intense language. By means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron. He is not writing lightly here. Men, and actually I put that word men in italics, it's just those who forbid marriage.

And actually that began to come into the church in about the third century, where there was the idea that it was more holy not to get married and not to follow that kind of lifestyle at all. whereas that's not biblical. Forbidding marriage is not correct. There's a gift of singleness, there's a gift of marriage, but absolutely forbidding marriage is not biblical. Alright, now let's look at the last part, Hebrews 13, 4.

For fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Fornication refers to any sexual activity or expression that is outside of marriage. So if a valid expression is in marriage, then it says anything outside of marriage is invalid. Adultery refers to a married person who is sexually unfaithful.

Of course, in the pagan world, as we mentioned previously, there's no prohibition of the man against either of these things. So this is where looking to the pagan world, and our culture is sliding there. Some would say it's already there, right? But looking to the pagan world is going to give you no biblical guidance. And that's one of the reasons why the author of Hebrews had to give this indication here to these people.

Look, here's what's biblical regardless of what the world's saying, regardless of what the world's telling you. In the pagan world of the time, only the woman could be guilty of adultery, not the man. So the author of Hebrews is urging that the believers have an understanding that comes from the Word and not from the world. An understanding that comes from the Word and not from the world.

So, since it talks about judging, let's talk about judging. God's will is that believers abstain from sexual immorality. You know, it's interesting. People will talk about, oh, I want to do God's will, you know, and oftentimes look at it like it's some sort of yellow brick road, and I've got to find the right fork in the road. But it's interesting, this is one of the few places where it very explicitly talks about God's will.

1 Thessalonians 4.3. So any sexual expression and experience outside of marriage is not God's will. Not God's will.

So if we see that we're out of God's will in this or any other area of life, in thought or in action, the biblical priority is for us to first judge our own selves in the matter. We're going to look at an example of that out of 1 Corinthians in a bit here. But the first thing is for us to judge our own selves in this matter. That's first priority, okay? First priority. Now, let's talk about judging ourselves. In judging ourselves, it isn't a matter of time to get out the whips and start beating ourselves, or doing something to punish ourselves, or something of that sort.

The goal is restoration of fellowship with the Lord and in our relationships. That's always where the Lord is headed. The goal is restoration of fellowship with the Lord and with others. It's important to realize there still may be some consequences, depending on how long and how far things have gone along. But there still may be consequences. Even if you have returned to fellowship with the Lord and fellowship with others, there still may be consequences in relationships, depending on how long and how far things have gone. Grace doesn't mean that there won't be consequences.

One of the things that easily gets mixed up, love, forgiveness, and trust are all very important words, aren't they? But they don't mean the same thing. And a key one, and this is one that I think is very important for us to distinguish here, forgiveness should be there among believers. Why?

Ephesians 4.32 says, Forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. You are grace-motivated, having been forgiven, to forgive others. Trust, however, can take time to rebuild. Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing, are they? Forgive, grace-motivated, yes, you should forgive. Trust takes time to rebuild. They're different things.

If a person does not judge themselves, and when I say judge, I'm not talking about you condemning yourself. I'm talking about judging so that you can return to fellowship with the Lord and fellowship with others. If a believer does not do that, then there is a place for the church to step in and discipline.

If the sin has come to the place where a confrontation is required there's a biblical sequence that must be followed. We speak the truth in love. Still, the goal is restoration all along. That's what we're aiming for all along. Another principle in this is that the minimum number of people required to bring restoration is what the Bible calls for, not instant church-wide blow-up on discovery of sin. See the difference there? The minimum number of people required. So the principle is the one who is aware of and knows about it then approaches the person, person to person, then with two or three witnesses, and then finally it gets to a place of treating them, doesn't mean you're making a declaration, but treating them as if they're an unbeliever. But the goal all the way along is, at all possible, is to restore.

We have a handout on church discipline. We mentioned in the bulletin in recent weeks, we've adopted a church discipline policy, and we've got a policy manual that's available both downstairs and in the coffee room here. And one of the reasons we have to do that is just our insurance and legal environment in this country is getting to a place where, you know, having those kinds of things out there is necessary. But nonetheless, that's available as a supplement on the cabinet to the right as you exit this room, and that'll give you more detail on what the Bible spells out for church discipline.

It's four pages of explanation, mostly not policy, but four pages of explanation from God's Word, and then we have here what's kind of a church discipline flowchart, if you will. And again, the goal is always restoration, if at all possible. Restoration of fellowship with the Lord. Restoration of fellowship with the other believers. And it says, God will judge.

What if a person does not judge himself? What if the church has not stepped in for church discipline? And it is even possible that the church doesn't know. The church doesn't know. God will judge. Now, let's talk about that judgment. This ain't judgment directed at condemnation. No. God will judge and will, as we saw in Hebrews 12, God will judge and bring discipline because He disciplines those whom He loves. God can bring about discipline of a believer, as we saw in Hebrews 12, 4 through 7. So God can bring that about in various ways as He sees fit. The Lord can take that judgment, that discipline, to the point of bringing the believer home early.

We have that as an example in 1 Corinthians 11.30, 1 John 5.16, and other places, for example, the book of Acts. Here's the 1 Corinthians 11 passage. 1127-32 reads like this.

Therefore, whoever eats the bread and drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner shall be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But a man must examine himself. That's the judgment, right? And in so doing as to eat the bread and drink of the cup, for he who eats and drinks and drinks judgment to himself if he does not judge the body rightly. For this reason, many among you are weak and sick and a number sleep. Euphemism for have died.

But if we judged ourselves rightly, so are we supposed to judge ourselves? Yes. And there's a right and a wrong way to do it. If we judge ourselves rightly, we would not be judged by God. So you don't have to be judged by God if you judge yourself rightly and biblically. That's the point here. And obviously the context here is the Lord's table. But the same judgment principle applies here also to the marriage bed.

But when we are judged by God, we are disciplined by the Lord, as we saw in Hebrews 12, 4-7, so that we will not be condemned along with the world. We are sons, and so we are disciplined by the Lord. Why? Because the hope is to restore us to fellowship with Him. So what does God intend? God intends honor.

Honor for the marriage. It means honoring the marriage of others. Respecting that. It means honoring the marriage before you get married. Honor the marriage before you get married. And it means that when we honor the marriage, we honor God, the one who established marriage from the beginning.

Honoring marriage in these earthly times also says that we honor the relationship we have in time in order to honor the eternal romance of Christ and the Church. So my honoring is a backward look to the time before man fell, when God established marriage there in the garden, when the earth was young. And it's also forward-looking, and it's not just to a point in time, but it's forward-looking on to eternity, honoring the eternal romance of Christ in the church. So we have an opportunity, day by day, in marriage, to honor what God established from the beginning, and to honor the eternal romance of Christ in the church.

There is great context that's not just living for today. We're to live this day for that day when we go to see Him face to face. Biblical marriage, one way to define it spiritually is beholding the Lord together, looking for that day when you both behold Him face to face. Beholding the Lord together, looking for the day when you both behold Him face to face. The church as the bride is forward-looking, isn't it? Right now we're in the betrothal stage. The wedding has not taken place. The wedding supper of the Lamb will take place in heaven. So right now, we're to be the waiting bride.

When we have wedding ceremonies, we often have them in a church or some other context, and you'll have the bride come up and the groom and his groomsmen will be up there. In the Jewish tradition, the bride would have herself ready, but it was the father of the groom who would call the timing and tell his son, go get your bride. Well, guess what? The father of the groom We'll call the timing. He'll tell his son, go get your bride.

I hope that's today. I hope it's today. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you. As we look at this, there are some very high and lofty words in this verse. There are also some words that ought to get our attention as well. But we would pray that we would look back there to that time in the garden when you establish marriage and honor that. We pray also that we would have hearts that look for your coming and look forward to the beginning of the eternity in which there will be the eternal romance of Christ in the church, of which we will be a part. We thank you for that, that blessed hope, that hope that we have that is absolute, fixed, and certain. We hope it's today. Amen.