Caring love, Bonded love

Okay, you have charts there, kind of full pages. I just took the thing that you have from earlier and just printed it out on one page and that's the sacrificial love, sanctifying love we focused on last week. This week we talk about caring love and bonded love and then next week finish up the chapter. So anyway, this is the last two and verses 28 to 31 there of Ephesians 5. Nancy, why don't you read that for us?

Just read the verse. to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." has in here, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of his body, that touches on the husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church relationship.

As we pointed out earlier, he keeps hitting that again and again even though he's initially laid it out. He keeps touching on it. So husbands ought also to love, we pointed out before, that that's That's one of the places where the husband is told to love four times. The first and the last are imperatives. This one is not technically an imperative, but has the same effect. They ought also to love. Here's the key idea.

The circle of caring love starts with the man for himself. That's Paul's point. The man loves and nourishes and cherishes himself. What's happening is, at the point of being married, a man is declaring that circle of caring love to widen to include his wife. He cares for her as he once did only for himself.

So it's widening the circle of care in things that have a significant physical element. We'll get into more of the spiritual, physical spectrum as we get farther down in here. The circle of caring love extends to include his wife, and this is, love is Agapal, this is the Agape love.

Nourishes is ectrepho, and that means provides for physical nutrient needs so as to bring to maturity is the idea. So it's interesting. It is, he is nourishing her, he is providing her nourishment. And cherishes, this is thalpo, from a verb meaning to warm. Providing for food, clothing, and protection. So these two kind of overlapping ideas providing for physical needs there.

Okay, next page. I'll just go over quickly instead of going into the details on the Jewish court system. Paul could have gone in to look. Here's the brink at which he declared divorce. The husband's got to provide for the wife and these basic things.

And if the husband does not do so, then the wife has a right and of course the Jewish system was she has a right to ask him for a certificate of divorce. That was the Jewish court system. I might add that if he actually fell short and failed to comply they started off with a graded series of fines and then increased it to the point of whipping him. And that failure to comply was not a failure to comply with her request for divorce, but rather a failure to comply with fulfilling her needs. That's right. And then ultimately she could ask for the divorce.

But notice here, while Jesus answered the question about divorce that was put to him when he asked that, Paul is addressing some of these same kinds of issues, but he isn't doing it from the standpoint of what's the minimum. He isn't just saying, all right, what's the least I can do and get away with? But instead, he starts with that you have a sacrificial love and a sanctifying love. Then he goes to the caring for the physical needs kind of love, which isn't something based on what he's described before in the relationship between Christ and the church. What's the bare minimum you need? What can I get away with?

That's not the way Christ loves the church. So Paul wasn't looking to the law. That's why even though these last two kinds of love relate to the legal allowances for divorce, Paul doesn't even bring up divorce here. He doesn't talk about the exit out. He talks about the kind of selfless love that expresses itself this way, and caring. Now, no one ever hated his own flesh.

There are people that do, and there are men that do, and there are men that treat their wives as if they do. But this assumes that God is the creator of all and the giver of life. So self-abuse and self-neglect is called idolatry. There are several Old Testament and New Testament passages.

So that's why he would say no one does that. Anyone who did that would be looked upon just as idolatry. This is so ungodly you wouldn't even consider it. The person who is doing that is not even in the realm of considering marriage. Because they have to be widening the circle of care to include her. And if the care isn't there, they can't widen it.

Make sense? Ephesians 5.31 there.

In this verse, Paul quotes from Genesis 2.24, also quote a part of it at the end of 1 Corinthians 6.16, as did Jesus in Matthew 19.5 and Mark 10.7 and 8.

Marriage between a husband and wife is a relationship defined across all times and people groups and was put into place before Adam chose to sin. So if marriage is pre-sin, marriage is pre-fall, marriage is an institution that God put in place that doesn't depend on Jew, Gentile, Church. So it's real interesting. It has a particular context in the Church, but marriage itself is something that spans across all times and peoples. Because God didn't say, Adam, we've got to put this in place because pretty soon you're going to blow it. No, he put this in place certainly understanding what was going to happen, but not looking at that fall as being some aspect built into what marriage is supposed to be. For this reason, the reasons and purposes of marriage were founded by God from the very beginning.

Creation of male and female is God's idea. God created them in the sequence. And we'll get into that, that Genesis passage. God let the man recognize his need for the woman first, and God made the male and female to complement each other. Key things that are built into Genesis 2 and 3 that this world doesn't recognize. Human beings just don't recognize that there's a sequence. Notice that when he made the woman, Adam was asleep.

We'll get into the reason for that and the significance for that. If you don't recognize God's word and don't recognize marriage is founded by God, you'll be completely blind to all the things that are revealed there. So you won't understand it. Let's see. Bottom left slide there.

For this reason, and pivotal to Paul's point here, is that the Lord made the flesh of the woman from the flesh of the man. so that the rejoining of a husband and wife in physical union brings God's action of forming the woman from the man full circle. The two shall become one flesh. They were one flesh and they become one again. It's a completing in a completeness. A man shall leave his father in order to be joined to his wife.

We will talk when we get into the family section about what this means with extended family While Nancy and I sat down with various couples, there's extended family issues that are of all kinds. Every imaginable situation comes up. This passage and then going back to Genesis 2 and this particular verse that he quotes out of Genesis is very important in resolving extended family issues. We'll get into that. Here, it's leaving and cleaving. That's a summary that's often used because it rhymes in English. Leaving of the home of the mother and father is for the purpose of establishing a new one.

Very important point. What began by God creating the woman from the body of the man is brought full circle by bringing the man and woman together as one. It was God who set in place the oneness principle. That's a key thing. The oneness principle in the marriage.

Now we get into what does join mean. Proskalaos. It means to glue, as in joining two pieces of wood. That's what it's from. It's from joining two pieces of wood. That's the practical term. It's used in Acts 11.23 as a kind of figure of speech. And you see it quoted here and in the Greek Old Testament and the parallel places in the Gospels. That is the husband and wife together. PROS, you'll see in the next slide over PROS KALAU is PROS and KALAU KALAU by itself means literally to glue together it's used figuratively in several places that I quote there PROS is an intensifier to glue ultimately or in vernacular to super glue so he doesn't just use it they're going to be joined together kind of casually a little bit sort of kind of but it means super glued together it means the gluing is intensive One way that it's been described by people is the meaning of the word is glued together so well that if you were to pull it apart, pieces of each would pull chunks of each one. They're joined together as one with that separation not being a casual thing. Then, what joined means, and this is the fourth one here.

It starts with Acts 11.23. who when he, Barnabas, came and he had seen the grace of God, was glad and exhorted them all that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord." They would be joined to the Lord with that same inseparable. So it's very interesting. Here's Barnabas urging for them to be super glued to the Lord.

And now that same word is used between the husband and wife. Think of the triangle we looked at last week. Each of those lines that connects the husband and the wife and the Lord is not a casual, loose, ethereal line, but a joining, a close connection, an intimate connection.

I have a little picture of the post-it notes. In contrast, it's clear that God did not intend post-it note marriages with easily removable adhesive. I didn't mean to indicate when I said that. to make light of those who have been through difficult times. Divorces sometimes happen even for biblical reasons. But the point is just to look at God's intent and design is that marriage be an intensive glue, not a casual glue.

Next one under Genesis 2, 24, Ephesians 5, 31. What a man and wife establish as a new unity with God at the center, now independent from their parents, and that's a key thing when we get into the extended family relationships, is God-ordained. It is exactly what God had in mind. And that's even back in Genesis 2. If all hadn't taken place, everything was perfect. Marriage, husband and wife glued together, that's exactly what He had in mind. The couple forming this new oneness, this new family unit before God and designed by Him has the opportunity to bring into the relationship what was good from their parents' household. This is an interesting thing. In other words, each part of the couple, each person, has the opportunity. They can sit down together and say, what was good that we brought from our parents' household? What wasn't good? What do we want to bring in here? What do we want to leave outside? One of the things we shared earlier is that Nancy spent the first 15 years of our marriage putting up with me basically bringing in a way over the line work ethic into the marriage.

So what had happened? Without talking about it, without discussing it, I said, I'm bringing this into our marriage. Was it my dad overreaching and saying, Vern, you need to do this? No. I brought it in. But it's a choice that people have. Am I going to bring this into the marriage from where I came at it? Either something that was there or something that wasn't there. Am I going to bring in the lack of something into the marriage? So that's a key thing. Leave mother and father, rejoin to the wife. When that leaving happens and that leaving happens, you're making a new unity.

That couple has the chance then, the opportunity to talk about and to think carefully through what do we want to import and what would we just leave outside. And that's a neat thing. And sometimes those realizations come later. But it's good to be able to do that.

Because each of us have things that we look at. You might say, I grew up in a good home. Even if that's the position you come from, you still might say, this is something I really want to make sure is there. Or you might say, there are a lot of great things there, but I'd rather do this different. And that's OK. That's a good thing.

And the other people should respect it. Sometimes they don't, and yet we were fortunate both of our parents respected the marriage boundaries. We've known some couples where their parents were not so respectful of those boundaries, and the wife's parents would try to talk to her about, you know, you should do this, and you guys need to do this. really undermining his authority. And in this one particular case we know of, the husband actually went to his wife's parents and said, we love you very much, we want to have a relationship with you, but you cannot undermine my authority, as the husband means.

And then they went, oh, you're right. And they stuck that. That's good. We'll get into that some more when we get into that. We are amazed at the variety of ways that has to be addressed. male and female in marriage together. And you can't get that anywhere else. So that's major cool. That's really cool. Top of page four.

Out of regard for what God has established, the couple and all others should regard the new family unit with respect, being appropriately supportive of God's design for the new relationship. Since God is the one who designed the relationship and the relationship of Christ to the church is its model, the believer's relationship to Christ is eternal. It only makes sense that the relationship of each to God is the highest priority. That's a key thing.

We have seen couples, I think probably the instances we have, it seems often the husband is the one who goes off and left the other. I don't know why that is. We've seen husbands actually just say, I'm leaving and walking off the work. And then the wife has to try to deal with that. If you have kids then it's really a question mark. It's not always that way, but most frequently that's what we've seen. But we have seen the other as well. Yeah, we've seen it both ways.

But the key thing here is that God designed marriage. God made the male and female. God has put in place, especially for the Church, this relationship between Christ and the Church is the example that relationship with the Lord is central to everything else about the marriage, and regard for what the Lord has designed is central to it. We have had instances where people not recognizing this have come to us and said, you know, help put our marriage together or build it or something.

And the problem is we have a hard time doing anything. Because without that understanding, without that regard, everything just kind of falls apart. Because the Lord and the relationship with him is the glue that makes sense here. Third slide down. Underlined there is that two shall become one flesh. This points not only to physical union, and it does that. But it also points to the oneness that the husband and wife are to have in God's design on every level, spirit, soul, and body.

Ephesians 5.22 and 33 addresses all those areas. Physical union is a living illustration of all the areas of oneness that God designed into the marriage relationship.

The next page as well, but key principle here. He speaks here of the physical union, but in reality he hasn't even been talking about the unity in the marriage, complementary unity in the marriage all the way through. Key point. Keep that in mind. We'll get there again.

Our culture is increasingly offering a great variety of alternatives to God's design, as if the preferences of fallen human beings could ever improve upon what God designed. The expression of the life of Christ in and through believers allows for a range of that expression than the original design established by God and revealed to us in Scripture. In other words, you've got a basic principle.

Does that mean that every single relationship is a cookie cutter? And that's the thing where marriages will often run into trouble because they don't understand, okay, what's the basic design? Where is their variability? If they don't understand the basic design then it's all variability. It's all variable and trying to find some kind of definition and relationship with that is real tough.

The other point here in the next slide down is joined one flesh. The differences between a husband and wife. are intended by God to be the basis for them living out a complementary oneness. Between the two of them, this verse springs originally from the opening pages of Genesis. It is quoted by both Christ and Paul. It clearly conveys the oneness principle in marriage, two joined as one. given the interwoven threads of love in this God-designed fabric called marriage, and the unity conveyed in this passage, communication at every level, spirit, soul, body, is from the life of Christ in and through each believing spouse, and will always be consistent with that love and oneness.

Alright, now, top of page 5, there are some things with some arrows, and we need to look at them and then talk about them. Notice, as we go through these four kinds of of love, sacrificial, sanctifying, caring, and bonded. There are several different kind of transitions. One is notice that they transition from being wholly spiritual into being physical. That the spiritual relationship then transitions into the physical. Something that Nancy and I have been talking as we oftentimes get a chance to talk to you about the day is, for much of the world, sexual relationships are physical and maybe soulish, and that's all. But what God intends is a much deeper sexuality. That there is a oneness in the physical relationship that is based on a oneness at the spiritual level that is deep so that it isn't just, you know, we're having sex, you know, and it's just a physical thing that's going on, but instead it is based upon the spiritual foundation that's already been placed there. I'm going to jump ahead here, but for good purpose.

There's an illustration here that shows this foundation, and notice there's at the bottom of the foundation is unconditional love, agapao, sacrificial, sanctifying, caring, and bonded. That foundation is sitting on the energizing of God and the life of Christ in and through the believer by faith in Him with a relationship between Christ and the Church as the ultimate model. Companionship love sits on top of that. Romantic love sits on top of that. What does this do?

It means that couples who are only relying on romantic love and companionship love They have no foundation. They might be legally married, but there's no foundation or anything. There's no spiritual depth to it. It's a little bit like trying to build a house straight on the ground without pouring a foundation first. And Vern, as an engineer, there were a couple times where he had to go into homes that had been built like that, and they'd have to jack them up and put a foundation. It is not an easy thing to do. It would be a big job.

And the same picture in marriage. If you have two unbelievers who marry, maybe even two believers who marry but don't understand this unconditional love principle. At some point, for the marriage to fully be all that it can be, that foundation has to be put in place. And for two unbelievers coming into it, it's a lot of work. And it's certainly worth every minute that they would put into it.

The world throws around the term sexy. And frequently they're talking about, you know, it's at a physical level and there's some nuance that goes into kind of the soulish level and the perception level. But really if you look at this, what Paul is talking about, this is deeply sexy because it's sexuality that has a full, infinite foundation. The physical union is not just a, hey, this is a cool thing, but the physical union is expressing something that starts from as deep as it can get. This is sexuality expressed in the marriage that is full depth. That's one reason I think why Paul starts with the spiritual and moves towards the physical expression of it. He wants to give the full foundation to the marriage. Notice the physical union wasn't an afterthought. He had that right at the outset. But the physical union has a full spiritual foundation so that the sexual relationship has great meaning intended by the Creator of the universe and even empowered by the Lord Himself. So this is deeply sexy beyond the superficiality that shows up on the newsstands, on the grocery store checkouts, magazines, right?

The next thing that's interesting is it transitions from being to beginning. In other words, it doesn't start with how it begins, does it? Isn't that interesting? It ends with how it begins. Because remember the beginning of the relationship there is described as leaving and cleaving. But it starts with describing here is the being characteristic of the relationship.

And that's why it's such a great foundation. It talks about this relationship between Christ and the church which has eternal character to it. It talks about the husband having that sacrificial love which is the sacrifice that Christ put out for the church. which was intended and begun before creation took place. He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. So here is this, to be holy and blameless. So here is deep sexuality that goes back before the universe was created. So that's really cool.

Because that's something the world can't offer. The world just doesn't have a clue about that. So it goes from being to beginning. It doesn't jump to the beginning. It talks about the being characteristic of the relationship first. Then how it starts. I have to do with the being. I have to do with loving yourself. A man loves himself. His being is whole if he has this relationship. fosters with God.

That's the third kind of love that you notice even that is ahead of this one flesh principle. That these characteristics of love relationship are laid out first, then the one flesh. And so the priority in sequence I think is not to be ignored. And stepping into the relationship A lot of people who get these things all turned around, you'll have a lot of people who just shack up situations. This says, no, these things need to be addressed first. First get the being straightened out, then we'll talk about the beginning.

The answer is yes, that it is that as a man loves and cares for himself, and then he widens that. And notice that if he doesn't love and care for himself, he has no circle to widen. He can't, gee, I'll include her in it. There's nothing to include her in.

So it's getting everything else right first, and then the physical part of the relationship has got everything it needs. One way to put it is God is looking for optimum sexuality and deep sexuality, not just, you know, here's how you wiggle right. Then the other thing is the internal part of the relationships to the external. The first two are talking very much about things that are internal and interior, and certainly they have an external expression, but they start from deep inside. Then you are moving to the external aspects, the care for her physical needs, and then finally the sexual relationship.

But I think you start putting these patterns of movement together as he moves through these kinds of love. The sequence is not just random and accidental. He is moving in that direction because there's value in that direction that he's moving. And what that does is it puts a maximum security for the companionship and romantic love. It gives an ultimate foundation. You're starting a marriage.

What are your resources? They're infinite. Gee, that's a good way to start. rather than just saying, let's hang this thing up in space and hope it works. Instead, this is all about things that are spiritual, have to do with the unchangeable and infinite Lord of the universe.

Then you've got a basis for a deep and satisfying relationship. The physical relationship has great depth of meaning to it, rather than trying to make it into something. It starts with the very best. We won't go into it immediately, but what happens in the bedroom is all about everything else first in order that that be the best. It's everything else Otherwise, the tendency is for it to become superficial, just to be physical, just simply to be what happens on the outside. What Paul is laying out here is, make this deep, make this eternal, make this something that has significance all the way through.

It also looks at the relationships with others. Notice that you start in relationships. Can we say internal relationship? It's husband and wife, husband and wife, husband and wife, husband and wife. It's at the end that he talks about the kind of love that deals with relationships with others. So that's something else to look at. As the relationship is founded, it's between the husband and wife and the Lord.

It's only at the end that the relationships with others are even mentioned. They count. They matter. But the priority is substantial. And that will also have a big impact when you look at the extended family issues and start talking about that and kids. How about if I have you read the expanded and explained? Okay.

By reason of the relationship between Christ and the Church as the model for husbands and wives, husbands ought also to unconditionally love their own wives as a widening of the sphere of care that they have for their own selves. He who loves his own wife loves himself, having widened that sphere of care to include her. She is, in his perspective, within the care and concern he would have for providing for his own needs, since the two of them are now one. For unless one's natural care for himself is demonically corrupted by reason of idolatry, no one ever hated his own flesh, but provides physical nourishment and care for the body, extending to clothing, shelter, and food because he cherishes it. So these kinds of care are now extended to the wife as one with the husband, just as Christ also does provide an abundance of such spiritual care for the church, of which we are each a part because we are members of Christ's body.

For the purpose of establishing a loving relationship between a husband and wife that is founded upon the relationship between Christ and the Church, and as God has ordained from the beginning, a man shall leave his father and mother and the home that they established, and be joined in a uniquely and spiritually established union to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, a living illustration of their union of spirit and soul, and conveying the eternal relationship and romance between Christ and the Church." I think as you look at this, this gives the depth and the permanence and character of the marriage relationship, that when you look at these together and you start looking at what kind of sequence did he go through, then you have significance in everything that goes on in a marriage. You can easily imagine, especially when you look at that kind of picture of the foundation, why do so many marriages come apart? They're not founded on anything.

The hormone, a physiologist tells us, the hormone that people have for falling in love, it varies. It lasts about 12 to 18 months. So if that's all the romantic relationship is depended on, well, you've got 12 to 18 months, and then you're downhill from there. The companionship love may last longer, but even that, if something doesn't go so good, And something we'll get into later, what if one or the other gets into some physical condition that makes it tough?

If there's nothing underneath that, both of those can just come apart. One of the things that Nancy has told me, she's run over the years into different circumstances that have shown Like a gal will get breast cancer and the husband will take off. Fairly common thing, unfortunately. Why? The guy is looking at romantic love, maybe companionship love, and there is nothing else besides that. If that's not there, I'm out of here. Unfortunately, I've seen it happen personally with close friends. That's been a little difficult. But here, just to look at it and say, Here is the basis for love that is eternal. It is a resource for the marital relationship. It is infinite and phenomenal. It is just amazing.

That is one reason why I get pretty excited sometimes to the point I can hardly talk. I get really excited about my relationship with Nancy. And it is something I cherish every day. I would say, especially having seen these things, and we didn't start off with them, but having seen these things, it just makes every day very special. And there is a depth to the relationship that's there because of the Lord, because of what the Lord has provided.

It is neat stuff. Now, comments, questions? I haven't questioned you too much so far, so might as well. I'll just say that seeing that people tried to build downward and they start out with the physical. Is that guy at work? He said that he had this spiritual connection. Anyway, they started out physical and then she's gone and he's like, I thought we had this spiritual connection. But it's soulless. They're trying to build this man-made kind of spirituality.

But notice the sequence. Notice what they'll do is they'll start with the physical and then try to make something spiritual happen. Here you notice he goes from being to beginning and what they'll do is they'll begin and then try to find the being. So not only do you use the foundation analogy but you use the trend. They're going backwards to all these things. And notice what does the media convey to us, movies, TV shows. They go backwards. If they go there at all.

You know, one thing that I have observed over the years as we've watched other couples is that as a man is loving his wife, as Christ loved the church, she becomes more and more beautiful, even to the people around her. And it's just really interesting.

We knew a couple that She was what you would call homely. She was not a beautiful woman. And we hadn't seen them for a couple of years. They had moved away. And when they came back, I was stunned at how beautiful she was becoming. And I knew that it was because he was loving her, as Christ loved the church. It was just really awesome to see. And that doesn't mean we're not going to get gray hair and wrinkles and have all the changes of getting older. But that beauty, even physical beauty, is a part of being loved as Christ on the church.

It's one of the thoughts. Let's think through this in some phases. Before a marriage, seeing these things, what things does that tell you? Before the marriage, if you look at this, what kind of conclusions does that draw you to? I am not sure I understand where you are going. Before a couple is married, if you see these things and say, okay, boy, now I see that, what does that mean? I am looking forward to marriage. What does that mean then in the relationship?

What is a man and a woman looking at these things and understanding these things ahead of time? What difference is that going to make in how they perceive things, what they are going All those kinds of things. How they build their relationship. How they build their relationship.

Well, you're definitely going to want to start with the spiritual. Yeah. Frequently what happens and what the world conveys is things start off... How fast do you get physical is about the question for a lot of people. So basically it says to say, let's build a good foundation. It says, let's start where he does. Do we understand the spiritual character of things? Do we understand these things, the sacrificial and sanctifying love, since that's where it begins? Do we have that down? Do we understand what this being is before we begin?

Let's be married. Well, what does that mean? And it doesn't start at the beginning. It starts at the being. So it means in the relationship, even before the marriage ceremony, it means having an understanding of where do we start and where are we headed.

You want to get a foundation underneath. You want to start off understanding the spiritual principles that are behind it. You want to be able to communicate about these starting things. That's one reason when we began we would say, well, what does that look like? And it's valuable for a couple to talk about what it looks like between them.

Then when you get to... Because really what he's talking about, the last kind of love, is expressed in the marriage ceremony. It doesn't end there. It begins at the marriage ceremony. The other things you can begin with before then. And then you see, do we have a basis for love? Without being crass, the plumbing almost always fits. So it's not a question of this physical thing that people rush into. It's a question of spiritually, do we understand and do we have a relationship with the Lord such that this makes sense? That's the key. Before looking to the marriage, it's looking for understanding and communicating with each other about these things. One of the things, as we've mentioned before, Nancy and I will talk with couples and each other.

Does this mean love to you? What means love to you? What says love? And it's important to talk about that on those various levels. How do we express that? Does this mean love to you? And the caring thing. It can boil down to practical things. Does she like it if I do this and don't do that? Do I take out the trash? One of the things I do is because my cooking is frightening. You don't cook?

Yeah, it's one of the PG-13 horror movies. And so I'll gladly clean stuff up and put things away and all that kind of thing. Well, see, for her, that's part of the caring thing. It's a caring for her in a way. I can do that because cooking for her wouldn't be caring for her. It's talking about those kinds of things and working through those things.

You're also better at it. He's always able to say, this will fit in this container. You know how it is. You always put it in one that's either too big or too small. He can get the right size. It's hard to do. Spatial. It's talking through those kinds of things.

Once you're in the marriage relationship, I would have to say we ourselves were in a situation where, boy, we've got to get a foundation underneath this thing. We were Christians, we got married, and we had spent even time in Bible studies, just the two of us, before we got married. Been to all sorts of different Christian gatherings and what not, and spent time going to church and even praying together. But still it's been a matter of like these things we have just on this last page here, those are things we didn't understand. We didn't understand those things.

And so it's a matter of learning those things. If you are in a married relationship, then it's a matter of saying, well, boy, this is fantastic insight, just what you see on that one page. Now, what does that look like with us? And how do we How do we need to work with each other in order to bring things back into this understanding? That is something that a couple needs to talk through. No matter what stage you are at, there is applicability. Whether you are looking ahead to a marriage relationship or saying, I am already married and now what do I need to do?

No matter where you are, there is opportunity. Nancy and I were just talking recently and we both felt like we've learned a lot of things since we've come here, just in the last five years. We've learned a lot of things and that's okay. That's good. But the important thing is to be learning them, no matter where you're at.

Take advantage of what is there in the Word. If you think about that, that is one of the exciting things about being a Christian. You don't ever stop learning. The Lord continues to reveal things to you and to mature you and to bring you to a better understanding of who He is. I remember once talking to Vern's grandmother, who was about 80, I think, at the time, and she was sharing with me something that the Lord had just taught her, and I went, wow, how cool. Christianity is not boring. You get to keep learning. Now, you can choose to walk away and not learn, but where's the value in that?

I think there's something else that goes along with this in understanding them. While it is helpful for both the husband and the wife to understand it, the husband being the spiritual leader, and because that's the sanctifying love, the husband needs to take a leadership role even in the discussion because that's a part of his expressing the sanctifying love. which is a real challenge. No question. As soon as we say that, what would you say is the wife's part in cooperatively, the two of them learning these things?

Her response to it is going to be key. I have run across situations where the wife is just bottled up. She won't respond. That's not going to help. She definitely has a part in it. As much as this keeps pointing to the husband, the husband, the husband.

Her involvement and interaction there is critical for this to come about. Something else, and that is that she'd be recognizing and anticipating what his love will look like in these ways. So she's able to respond, not just in shock. So it's valuable for her to learn these things from the standpoint of her having an understanding response. As much as this keeps focusing on the husband, her knowing and knowledgeable response in these areas of love expressed just is essential because it takes the two of them to be the one's principle in action in the marriage.

So that's why we don't have just the guys here. Because next week we're going to get to the part that addresses both the husbands and the wives. Other thoughts? I must be either completely answering every question you ever had or absolutely baffling you.

We're going to be putting off some of the physical aspects of the sexual relationship until later, but I think one of the key things in this that is neat, physiologically Men peak out in terms of their sexual responsiveness at about age 20. And that's an average figure, but that's about it. In other words, their physical ability to respond and interact and react and be stimulated peaks out at about age 20 and goes downhill from there. Physically, the woman peaks out at about 40.

Now, that's the physical side of things in terms of just pure physiology. What this does, it takes it beyond the physical limitation. Because I can grow spiritually, and Nancy can grow spiritually, and we can grow together spiritually. beyond whatever those, I'll call them superficial peaks are. And that essentially what happens is the sexuality still can get better and better because of the spiritual depth that overrides what would ordinarily be a physical limitation impacting the marriage. Isn't that something? So this means it's not just relying upon what's physiology, not relying just upon what, you know, here are the limitations. But spiritually, there is no limitation. So the deeper sexuality, which is spiritually based, does not have some peak depending on chronology.

And that's a cool thing. It's a really neat thing. And it continues to give depth and significance and intimacy in the relationship beyond physiology. Let the doctors do whatever they want to do. But this is cool stuff because it means until whatever situation or day that we go home that there isn't some artificial ceiling. There isn't something holding it back.

Lord, we thank you. Your provision of truth for us is profoundly insightful. We thank you as we look at what you've done and what you've made, how you've made us to be, and the resources in you that have been made available. It is astounding and amazing. And Lord, we thank you for the richness and the depth of that. Thank you and we pray for each of us and the relationships that we have, Lord, that you would give us wisdom and insight and understanding that we might be living illustrations of that marvelous relationship between Christ and the church. In Jesus' name, amen.